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Instead of You Don’t Mess With the Zohan, somebody should make a movie called You Don’t Mess With Tom Cruise’s Legal Team.

Cruise – the man who brought down David Hans Schmidt, and who will take on just about anyone who defames him – is not happy with baby boutique Petit Tresor for allegedly talking to celeb gossip rags about his spending.

Tom had his lawyers send a cease and desist letter to the store.

Tom Cruise in 2015

The letter accuses the boutique of telling celeb news that TomKat spent a staggering $350,000 on Suri Cruise‘s wardrobe over the last two years.

Lawyers for Cruise say the information is not only wrong, but it violates their clients’ confidentiality. Do not f*%k with this man!!

Cruise also says that the store had better keep their mouths shut about TomKat’s shopping habits from this point on.

If the store doesn’t comply, THEY WILL ALL DIE.

Okay, we invented that last part. But you bought it, didn’t you?

We actually wouldn’t be surprised to hear that TomKat drops six figures on baby clothes. They do, after all, have more money than God.

On a side note, what the eff is going on with Katie Holmes’ hair. We’ve seen some crappy celebrity hairstyles in our day, but she may win.