A naked, writhing, sweaty Marisa Tomei engaged in feverish, doggy-style sex might sound terrific to a lot of you guys reading this.
Well, yeah… and if it weren’t for the hulking, naked Philip Seymour Hoffman going to town on her, we might share that sentiment.
This is why some sites have called the raunchy, vigorous Marisa Tomei nude scene – from “Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead” – the best sex scene of its naked kind in 2007, while others have deemed the same scene the year’s worst.
Good: Marisa Tomei nude. Bad: Philip Seymour Hoffman nude on top of her.
It’s like a metaphor for life. Every Marisa Tomei naked scene has its pudgy, nude Philip Seymour Hoffman counterpart. Yin and yang. Okay, moving on.
Papermag’s Cinemaniac compiled his list of the Top 10 Worst Nude Scenes of All Time, inspired by “Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead.”
Here are the rest of the scenes and celebrities making the list, such as Grey’s Anatomy star Patrick Dempsey and some actually good actresses…
- Patrick Dempsey in “Some Girls” – He may be McDreamy now, but as he chased Jennifer Connelly around in this full-frontal scene… look out.
- Philip Seymour Hoffman in “Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead” – Yes, Tomei’s body is hot, but Hoffman’s is not. We’ve been over this.
- Donald Sutherland in “Space Cowboys” – Older astronauts strip to have a physical, and ol’ Don lets it all hang out. Wonderful.
- Kathy Bates in “At Play in the Fields of the Lord” – She’s nude and in motion, running through the Amazon jungle with only mud for covering.
- John Gielgud in “Prospero’s Books” – Lots of male and female nudity, but Gielgud isn’t in his prime when he rises up nude from a pool.
- Julie Andrews in “S.O.B.” – Written and directed by husband Blake Edwards, the film features a nude Julie Andrews. While she was actually pretty hot back in the day, the mere thought of Mary Poppins nude is kinda whack.
- Burgess Meredith in “Such Good Friends” – Yes, we know he has a serious acting resume, but he’ll always be the Penguin from the “Batman” series.
- Terry Bradshaw in “Failure to Launch” – He’s wearing nothing at all while listening to hip-hop and feeding his aquarium fish when his son, played by Matthew McConaughey, walks in. Naturally. Makes perfect sense.
- Jessica Tandy in “Camilla” – A 70-year-old naked, skinny dipping scene that cinema could probably have survived without.
- Jay North in “Maya” – A scene in which he towels off after getting doused in water takes place only a few years after he played Dennis the Menace.
Yikes. In short, you might want to skip most or all of these flicks, guys, and go pick up the Playboy issue featuring Maria Kanellis nude instead.