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Laura McLaughlin claims her unborn child belongs to Pete Doherty.

While the 20-year old goddaughter of Manchester United owner Alex Ferguson is steadfast in her claims, we have two reasons to doubt this story’s validity:

  1. It’s reported in Great Britain’s News of the World, a celebrity gossip rag that makes The National Enquirer seem reputable.
  2. Haven’t drugs rendered all of Pete Doherty’s sperm as useless as Britney Spears’ underwear drawer?

According to McLaughlin’s account in the British tabloid, “the baby is Peter’s. There is no doubt about that. I was a virgin when I met Peter and when we had sex. He knows about the baby. I told him I was pregnant the moment I found out.”

Laura McLaughlin says she had sex with reputed singer Pete Doherty and he got her pregnant. Doherty’s response: “ughndsfttilovecocaineacrniut.”

The knocked up Brit went on to describe Kate Moss’ ex as a “laid back lover,” while also explaining how he allegedly left a bun in her oven:

“[After a condom broke], we continued to have sex regardless as it was the last condom we had,” McLaughlin said, adding that the relationship was about more than mere intercourse. “But our weekend together wasn’t just about sex. We cuddled up to watch the movie Dirty Dancing together and we had many deep and meaningful conversations. It felt like Peter was my boyfriend.”

Vials of cocaine have felt the same way for years.