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There were no ambulances involved, no shrieks of hysteria, no locking herself inside a room with Jayden James.

But Britney Spears still enjoyed a wild evening last night, one that involved dinner, shopping and an utter lack of pants. Let’s review the time line, courtesy of Us Weekly:

7 p.m. The singer and celebrity gossip hound/boy toy Adnan Ghalib eat dinner at Gaucho Grill in Sherman Oaks. Britney chows down on two beef empanadas, grilled salmon, spinach and rice and a Coke. She also contributes to a slow death by puffing on a few cigarettes.

11 p.m. Sam Lutfi makes an appearance! Police pull he and Britney over for speeding, but no ticket is issued.

Along with Lutfi, Spears — in a crotch-length spangled green dress, ripped fishnets and her double-breasted corduroy pea coat — hits up Ralph’s supermarket, exiting with two carts of groceries.

As Team Crazy leaves the store, Britney answers questions from a slew of entertainment news journalists. Some examples:

Q: Britney, what do you want to say to Adnan on TV?
A: (Thinks for a second) “I think he’s a nice person.”
Q: What was the result of your pregnancy test?
A: “I never had a pregnancy test.”
Q: Britney, what are you going to do now? Go to college?
A: (sighing) “Oh, I wish I was in college.”

Two random dudes approach and ask why Spears is the anti-Kim Kardashian: “Britney, you don’t like black guys?

“Yeah, I like black guys,” she says, laughing.

 

2 a.m. Spears, Lutfi and another friend visit L.A.’s Kitson boutique. The store was closed (it was 2 a.m., remember), but opens just for Brit and company. Spears walks out about 20 minutes later with three shopping bags.

2:20 a.m. The crew drives one block to Kitson’s Men’s store. Spears leaves wearing a men’s pin-striped shirt and black skinny tie, her hair in a messy bun. Pants? Nowhere to be found.

2:25 a.m. Spears is spotted sipping on an orange beverage, acknowledges that it’s a screwdriver and drives off.

Time to sleep until noon and start the process again today!