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The Gossip has learned that the anemic Nicole Richie has been arrested for weighing 85 pounds. Just kidding! She was arrested, and her booking sheet reveals that this is her weight – but she was busted on a far-worse charge of DUI early Monday morning.

Nicole Richie was booked at 4:50 AM today and was released just over an hour ago, according to the celebrity gossip fiends at TMZ.

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No mug shots have been released yet. But we’ll display them in all their glory when we get ’em.

A representative for Richie could not immediately be reached for comment. It’s hard to issue a press release when your head is in a toilet, after all.

Police say Richie’s black SUV was spotted going the wrong way on the 134 freeway in Burbank.

She was stopped by members of the California Highway Patrol, who were convinced a ghost was operating the vehicle when they didn’t see anyone behind the wheel at first. But it turned out to be two-dimensional Nicole, who you just can’t see from the side.

Officers on the scene said that Nicole Richie admitted taking Vicodin and smoking pot. Two motorists saw her going the wrong way and called 911. When officers arrived on the scene, she was stopped in the carpool lane and alone in the vehicle, talking on her cellphone.

A preliminary screening device revealed that Nicole was not under the influence of alcohol. She was, however – just to recap – driving in the HOV lane alone, going the wrong direction on the damn freeway, and under the influence of weed and prescription drugs.

Rachel Zoe would be proud. So would Rip Torn.

One can’t help but wonder if Nicole got those pills from the crazy, panty-shunning human pharmacy, Britney Spears. We may never know… unless Nicole pulls a Snoop Dogg and goes narc style on Britney’s ass. Regardless, this incident is bound to hamper Nicole’s chances of overtaking Britney in our official Paris Hilton BFF poll.

Sources say Nicole may have been on her way back from Glendale, where she was chilling with Joel Madden, Hilary Duff’s ex. The pair was spotted on Friday, too, at the Chateau Marmont.