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If you thought the Scientology way of giving birth (no speaking!), you won’t believe what those freaks do at weddings.

MSNBC is reporting that the wedding of TomKat is going to be conducted in the traditional style of the Scientology CULT “religion,” with the groom addressed as the “Man” and the bride addressed as the “girl.”

The name of the “girl” will not even be spoken, and she is only referred to as “girl” or “you” by the handler. Er, minister. Tom Cruise’s name will be declared to all who attend, of course.

Tom Cruise in 2015
Photo via Getty Images

If the Cruise-Holmes wedding really turns out to be a Scientology ceremony — as has been widely reported — any feminists in attendance might be a tad miffed, to say the least. Even a cute, little, irate Suri Cruise might get up and leave!

So would Stephen Baldwin, no doubt, if he were invited. Which we are going to go out on a limb and guess that he’s not.

The vows for a Scientology wedding are more than a tad strange. Quoting from the book “The Background Ministry, Ceremonies & Sermons of the Scientology Religion,” MSNBC reports that the minister asks a bride:

And do you take
His fortune
At its prime and ebb
And seek
With him best fortune
For us all?
Do you?”

The minister then tells the groom:

Now, (Tom Cruise),
girls need clothes
And food and
Tender happiness and frills
A pan, a comb, perhaps a cat
All caprice if you will
But still
They need them.
Do you then
Provide?
Do you?

Do you, well, do you, do you? Huh? Eh? Eh? Answer! Good God. The staff at T.H. Gossip feels that Katie Holmes should take whatever dignity she has left and bolt for the door with Suri in tow. This Scientology crap is not only demeaning, it’s just plain strange. Run for it — girl!