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Her mother is a fraud. She’s a drunken, irresponsible mess. But it took a recent paparazzi problem to truly shake Lindsay Lohan.

The following is an email – word for grammatically incorrect, self-centered word – Lohan sent in reference to this life-altering event:

Almost witnessed 3kids being hit by paparazzi … Never in my life had an expirience as I just did with the paparazzi. I am not kidding I am shaking, cannot breathe a bit, scared, anxious and sad.

The Hollywood Gossip

If someone doesn’t feel bad, than I will feel bad for myself. It is disgusting what these g-d damn people are doing to me. As well as the people in my life that I work with/for. Its vulgar and I’m saddened for myself.

And, ANY of those willing to fall into judging me in any way in the future, or past. Can watch the video tapes that these men/women take of me while they are being invasive towards my DAY off…. Which I never have anymore. (Send that to Morgan Creek)

G-d Bless.

Phew. It’s a good thing she ALMOST witnessed this catastrophe. What would have happened to her virgin (HAHA!!!!) eyes if she had actually viewed this horror?

Meanwhile, estimations are rolling in about what the signatre, “xxl,” stands for. Some possibilities:

  • Extra, extra lazy
  • Extremely, extraordinarily licentious
  • Expectant X-Laxer

What are your ideas for Lohan’s self-given moniker?