Carrie Prejean
Gossip

Okay, not really. This is obviously a complete joke, but it's a funny one, and one that may not be stretching the truth all that much if you think about it.

Wednesday, we told you about the Carrie Prejean sex tape, which resulted in the settlement of the beauty queen's lawsuit with Miss California officials.

Basically, she dropped her demands for $1 million approximately one nanosecond after they revealed they found a sex tape of hers - and showed her.

In the spoof below, a faux Carrie comments for the first time on the shocking video, saying that, hey, at least it's a heterosexual sex tape. Yay, God!

As THG readers know, we've taken pleasure in mocking Carrie Prejean throughout her ridiculous ordeal with the Miss California pageant.

But even we had grown tired of this story, were happy to report that the two sides reached a settlement this week and were excited to move on to other items, such as the incredible Robsten spread in Harper's Bazaar.

However, Carrie is clearly the hypocritical gift that keeps on giving. TMZ reports the reason why the disgraced beauty queen was so quick to settle (for no money) with pageant officials:

Because their lawyers produced a homemade Prejean sex tape into evidence.

Carrie Prejean supporters were right all along: this photo is nothing, especially when compared to the sex tape Prejean filmed of herself.

The video depicts Prejean pleasuring herself. TMZ claims it actually saw footage from it months ago, but didn't publish it due to the graphic nature.

Once Carrie was made aware of her solo exploits possibly going public, she backed away from the negotiating table. Pageant officials will foot the $100,000 bill for her attorney and publicist, but the Jesus-loving porn star gets nothing.

Her book, however, hits stores this month. Insiders say a rumored title for Still Standing had been Carrie Prejean: Gay Marriage Sucks, I Swallow.

There's been a truce in the contentious world of beauty pageants and bible thumping.

Both Carrie Prejean and the Miss California pageant have withdrawn their lawsuits against one another, leaving the former free to keep the money she accepted for getting breast implants.

"Carrie Prejean, [pageant director] Keith Lewis, and K2 productions [the independent pageant producers] have dropped their claim against each other and wish each other the best in their future endeavors," reads an official settlement statement.

Terms of the settlement have not been disclosed, but expect Prejean to trash pageant officials in her upcoming book nevertheless.

That is the Christian thing to do, after all.

The feud between Carrie Prejean and the Miss California Pageant just got a lot... bouncier.

Following the lawsuit filed by Prejean against organization officials for slander, libel, religious discrimination and infliction of emotional distress (it's hard to write that with a straight face), K2 Productions is firing back.

The company in charge of the Miss California USA pageant has counter-sued the disgraced beauty queen and is requesting that she return the $5,200 it gave her for breast-augmentation surgery last year. Seriously!

"Had [Prejean] heeded the guidance of the Gospel of John, who admonished only those who are without sin to cast stones in judgment, she might have avoided this legal battle," the suit actually reads.

As part of her original lawsuit, Prejean takes issue with the pageant's "public disclosure of private facts," but this counter-suit says the only private facts in question were bouncing around on stage during the competition.

"The alleged 'private facts' consist of her breast augmentation (which ceased being private during the swimsuit competition of the nationally-televised Miss USA pageant, in which Ms. Prejean walked the stage in a bikini)," the K2 suit states.

If Prejean is forced to return money for her fake boobs, can she also pay a fine for her phony, self-serving use of religion?

Speaking at the Values Voters Summit in Washington Friday, the former Miss California Carrie Prejean suggested that “God had a plan for me that day” when she voiced her opinion on gay marriage ... during the 2009 Miss USA contest.

Yes. God told her to voice opposition to same sex marriage, at a beauty pageant, on national television. He works in mysterious ways sometimes.

Carrie Prejean asked during the contest by judge and openly gay celebrity gossip blogger Perez Hilton if she supports gay marriage. She does not.

Her answer ultimately led to so much controversy that people forget she did not actually win Miss USA (she was second to Kristen Dalton of N.C.).

Reflecting on Friday, Prejean, who was later stripped of her title of Miss California USA because God told her to she flaked on her contract, said “I’m so proud of the answer that I gave. God chose me for that moment.”

“I was a woman who stood up for the truth and people don’t want to admit it,” she continued. “I had the courage and bravery that a lot of people don’t have.”

“I am not defeated, they have not defeated me. They can say whatever they want about me and my faith,” Carrie Prejean said in praise of herself. “I always wanted to leave a legacy of courage and boldness and to show that to young people.”

The 22-year-old went on to thank her “thousands of fans who believe in me, and saw me as more than a beauty pageant girl.” Yes, so much more than that.

At the Miss USA pageant, Prejean told Hilton, “We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite. I think that in my country, in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman.”

“No offense to anybody out there, but that's how I was raised."

Here's a video of Prejean's comments from yesterday ...

Earlier today, Carrie Prejean actually filed a lawsuit against Miss California pageant officials Keith Lewis and Shanna Moakler.

The attention-starved beauty queen claims this pair discriminated against her religion and caused extreme emotional distress.

In response, Moakler's attorney, Mel Avanzado, has issued a statement that comes to the same conclusion any sane person would arrive at: Prejean is an idiot.

"On Ms. Moakler's behalf, I can say unequivocally that Ms. Prejean's lawsuit is without merit.

"More importantly, as everyone who watched or read her public statements is well aware, Ms. Prejean's unfortunate and bigoted statements are responsible for any public humiliation or damages to her reputation that she has claimed to have suffered. Ms. Moakler strenuously denies that she did anything wrong and looks forward to proving that in a court of law."

Choose a side in this feud:

According to Carrie Prejean, we now know what Jesus would do.

He'd exploit his religion like Denise Richards exploits her children, ignore the concept of forgiveness and seek as much money and retribution as humanly possible.

Following her June 10 dethroning as Miss California, Prejean has filed a lawsuit against pageant officials Shanna Moakler and Keith Lewis.

As first reported by TMZ, the suit doesn't name Donald Trump (even though he's the one that fired her), and it accuses Moakler and Lewis of religious discrimination, defamation, public disclosure of private facts, intentional infliction of emotional distress, and negligent infliction of emotional distress.

The final accusation is our favorite: Prejean is suing two people for accidentally hurting her feelings.

According to Carrie, Miss California officials "fabricated a fraudulent list of some 50 public appearances allegedly missed by Prejean which they released to the media in order to justify her termination as Miss California USA" and tried to "set up Prejean to have her dismissed as Miss California USA by asking her to do a Playboy photo shoot for $120,000."

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Former Miss California Carrie Prejean, who gained great notoriety earlier this year before being dethroned, is known for hurting people when opening her mouth.

But until now, she has inflicted purely emotional duress.

The noises the beauty queen recently made into a mic at a horserace in Del Mar, Calif., took her painfulness to a new level, though. Good thing it wasn't a talent show.

Here's Carrie Prejean making ears bleed ...

All we can say is 1. Thank goodness Carrie is merely writing a tell-all memoir instead of a debut CD, and 2. Please don't ever attempt to sing, Tami Farrell.

Carrie Prejean has been through so much.

Following a series of nearly naked photos, the beauty queen was forced to expose her skin yet again at the 2009 Miss USA Pageant.

From there, she was asked a question by a judge, finished all the way in second place at the competition and then received far more national attention than if she had won.

It was a tough few weeks for Prejean, as the only motivation she even had for waking up each morning was the need to defend "opposite marriage" from the Satanic critics that dared to press her for more information on her views. The experience was barely worth the appearances fees and fame she accumulated.

Then, Donald Trump fired Carrie as Miss California and she was left to pick up the pieces with a book deal worth at least the six figures.

Indeed, Carrie Prejean will pen a tell-all memoir titled Still Standing, a perfect title for a woman that has suffered so much.

In the press release issued by Regnery Publishing, the company announced the book as follows:

[Prejean] will tell her side of the story, answering such questions as what happened behind the scenes at the pageant, why she answered the Perez Hilton question as she did, what really led to her losing the Miss California crown, and how she has been forced to battle the left's double-standard on free speech and the bias against conservatives who stand up for their beliefs.

God bless Carrie Prejean; and God bless copy editors. She's gonna need a bunch.

The war of words between the controversial and recently dispatched Miss California, Carrie Prejean, and the organization is becoming a game of legal chicken.

No one's showing signs of blinking, either.

The latest drama? The 22-year-old says she is gonna give the Miss California USA officials one last chance to clear her name - or she's gonna sue them.

In a letter Prejean's attorney just fired off to the lawyer representing the Miss California pageant honcho Keith Lewis, the attorney says Lewis defamed Carrie by making the embattled beauty queen seem uncooperative and difficult to deal with.

The letter also accused Lewis of using Carrie to push a gay agenda. He did not address Donald Trump's observation that Carrie treated people like $h!t.

The best part? Carrie's Prejean's lawyer says Keith Lewis had no right to release the 22-year-old's "confidential medical information" - i.e. her boob job.

The letter claims that Carrie has suffered "severe emotional distress" as a result of her treatment by the pageant association and its officials.

If Lewis doesn't recant his comments, Carrie's lawyer promises he will file suit.

The pageant's lawyers have threatened to sue back if she doesn't back off.

Game on. Click to enlarge some classic Carrie Prejean pics ...