Amanda Bynes Says She Feels Like Cancer Patient, Blames Grammar Snafu

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Another week, another torrent of drama on Amanda Bynes' Twitter.

After threatening legal action against every celebrity gossip and news outlet reporting a "fake story" about her, she then fired off this eye-popping tweet:

"Not having hair makes me feel like a cancer patient."

Amanda Bynes, Blue Hair

It didn't take long for the Tweet to go viral, offense to be taken and the former Nickelodeon star to come clean - with a head-scratching excuse.

"Oh my God, let me just be the first to say: I can completely see how offense was taken. I truly apologize for the miscommunication and any and all resulting discomfort or anger."

"I’m not a wretched person with zero sense of perspective or respect for fellow human beings; rather, the actual explanation of my statement is something far more banal."

"No, Arendtites, not 'banal' as in 'the banality of evil' - banal as in, this was a very stupid grammatical error. What I intended to say was 'not having hair makes me feel like a cancer: patient.'"

"That is, waiting for my hair to grow has made me a more patient person - a trait, in the astrological community, typically associated with those born under the Cancer sign."

'I’m actually an Aries (traditional traits: determinedness, ambitiousness, impulsiveness, and, I can now say, inexcusably poor grasp of punctuation.)"

"Not having your forgiveness makes me feel like I should have Aids."

"Christ, I’ve done it again. I meant: not having your forgiveness makes me feel like I should have aides, lower-case and with an 'e.'"

"Aides because I’m clearly in something of a public-relations quagmire. Please accept my second apology."



While we certainly appreciate the long-winded, albeit perplexing explanation to Vanity Fair, does anyone believe she merely left off the colon?

Derogatory tweets have sorta been her thing since she first asked Drake to murder her vagina and started compiling the Amanda Bynes ugly list.

By her own admission, she Tweets first and thinks about it later. Is it possible this was merely a goof? Sure. But it seems rather unlikely, don't you think?

Then again, unlike trying to get in Lindsay Lohan's pants, trying to get inside Amanda Bynes' mind and figure out what's going on is next to impossible.

Let's give the wannabe cancer patient ... sorry, patient Cancer a pass on this one.


she isn't aware of what she is saying.


Lost in her own insanity. She has NEVER been so articulate, before, just a spoof. Untreated, poor mental health does not afford that type of grammar from her...


OMG! That is a spoof piece! Vanity Fair has been posting them since this whole Amanda Bynes thing started. It's satire and you quoted it as fact! Ha! Check your sources more carefully, guys.....


If you have read any of her interviews or seen her on various talk shows or have even been following Amanda's Twitter rants, it would be extremely clear that she definitely did not write the well written, verbose explanation above. It must have been her publicist, perhaps her lawyer, but definitely not her. Her vocabulary has been about as bountiful as my 1st grader's until now, so don't buy it. And she does need help and medication. She obviously has Bipolar or something else wrong. Hope she gets the help soon before she turns into another Hollywood tragedy.

@ vera

Extremely true. I wondered why they were posting some joke post when reading it, when it's extremely clear that something written so well and intelligently (despite the jokes and goofiness) absolutely could not come from Amanda at all. It turns out they're re-posting some Twitter spoof as if it's real. I don't see how anybody who has followed any of Amanda's Tweets could be fooled by this though. She simply does not have the ability to use words like this in a sentence at all, she wouldn't even know what most of them meant. Even with a thesaurus in hand she wouldn't know how to use them correctly. I had to pause and wonder why they were putting up something that was so obviously not from Amanda. I guess it just turns out that the writer of the article is just really gullible, and probably would believe Bynes' bong was really a vase.


Why in the name if sanity are these stories still being printed. Magazines/web blog should just all rename themselves sleaze sites. Give this pour girl a pass by.


Amanda, Amanda,Amanda......this chick is smart but stupid at the same damn time. And she doesn't need aides she needs Jesus and a role model.....and maybe Oprah too....because if the Big O can help train wreck extraordinaire Lindsay Lohan, then surely Oprah can get her some help.too starting with Iyanla Vansant Holla!


At least she writes intelligently and with a sense of humour - which is more than can be said about many gossip columnists!

@ TeeCee

Yes, and that's exactly how you know it's not really her. It was written intelligently and with a real sense of humor. It's not really from Amanda, that it was written in this way should have made that obvious to most of you.


She should've stuck with "it's an expression"


Clearly, not even a cancer insult is enough to garner anybodys comments.....well at least mine, which is....This poor girl has got some serious BIPOLAR issues! And someone had better step in to help her, otherwise, she's going to due or end up possibly harming someone else...

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Amanda Bynes Biography

A Bynes Pic
Amanda Bynes is a young, innocent actress who is a former show host on Nickelodeon and a singer in addition to an acting star . After... More »
Thousand Oaks, California
Full Name
Amanda Laura Bynes

Amanda Bynes Quotes

My favorite part of my body is my smile.

Amanda Bynes

I say I never want to get married. I feel trapped with the idea of marriage. How can you really be with somebody forever? I'd get bored!

Amanda Bynes