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Want an early look at Kim Kardashian’s wedding to Kris Humphries? You won’t get it in this week’s issue of OK!.

Despite proclamations of a KARDSHIAN EXCLUSIVE and a headline that screams KIM’S DREAM WEDDING, juxtaposed over what appears to be a wedding portrait, the following anonymous quote is the extent of this tabloid’s in-depth coverage on this imaginary story:

“Kim falls fast and hard, and this time is no exception. Kris makes her laugh, gives her confidence, makes her smile… Plus, with Kris, things are different. He knew what he was getting himself into, and he says that Kim is everything he expected and more.”

Kim Kardashian and Kanye in NYC
(Getty Images)

We can only imagine what Kris expected. An empty personality, a giant set of breasts and the world’s best marketing team?

Expect these two to get engaged about the same time that Kim’s single earns a Grammy nomination.