There was talk of disintegrating marriages on The Real Housewives of Atlanta this week. There was also a major craving for pickles.
Fortunately, our THG intern is here to run down the latest series of scripted events on this Bravo hit. Sit back, try not to lose your breakfast and enjoy...
The ladies were all around frisky this week. Kandi is hosting her "Kandi Koated Nights" webcast and invites Kim as her special guest. The topic: Cheaters. Does Kim consider herself one? No way! And let's just make it clear that she doesn't have any "beef curtains," either! We also learn that Kandi has been in a contest with a friend to see who can remain celibate for a year. This explains the raunchy nature of her show. That's where she's getting her jollies these days.
Nene and Cynthia are hanging out a lot more because Nene's marital problems with Gregg have surfaced. Since her plastic surgeon has given her the okay to guzzle down wine again, Nene hangs out at Cynthia's house and complains to Cynthia about her disintegrating 13-year-old marriage to Gregg.
Nene doesn't trust Gregg and is annoyed that she gave him her 20s and 30s and all it's brought her is a run down body and grief. She tells Cynthia she's near her breaking point and is seriously thinking about divorcing Gregg. This terrifies Cynthia and confirms her fear of marriage.Sheree preps for a dinner date with The Love Doctor (aka Ty-E Muhammed) and has her 24-year-old daughter, Dawn, and her fiancee, come over to baby sit.
Phaedra and Apollo have a "classy" pregnancy photo shoot by posing with a jar of pickles on the back porch. Phaedra wants to document her belly and swallowing down a whole lot of pickles does the trick.
The Love Doctor puts Sheree to work in the kitchen by slicing strawberries and licking cookie dough off his fingers. Sheree says she's not used to manual labor. But she is happy that The Love Doctor has no belly. She also admits that she needs money in a relationship since "love don't pay no bills." The fact that The Love Doctor seems a little desperate in asking Sheree for a kiss on their second date turns her off.
Kandi asks her mom, Joyce, for advice on how to handle Riley's absentee dad, who wants to participate in his daughter's life now after eight years of ignoring the little girl. In a heartbreaking scene, Riley tells Kandi that she doesn't really care if she has a dad or not. She's built up a hell of a wall and Kandi's afraid of bringing any man into her life after AJ, to whom Riley grew attached. Single motherhood runs in the family, so Joyce tells Kandi to be strong.
Meanwhile, Nene and Cynthia go bridal shopping shop for new bras. Nene doesn't like wearing these because she "paid for her titties to stand up" and she likes her "hooker boobs" (real high...nipples to the sky). Cynthia invites Nene to her Mother's Day brunch and Nene's thrilled to be going to an affair where Phaedra and her ex-con husband will also be. Just how she wanted to spend her Mama's Day.
And what a brunch it is!
Kim bails because her kid is once again sick (a recurring theme whenever Kim wants to get out of something). Kandi shows up with Riley and Joyce. Nene shows up with Brentt. Sheree brings her daughter, Kaleigh. And Phaedra deigns to come to Cynthia's home, which she explains is in a gentrification zone in which they turned the hood into the suburbs. It's not for her, but she'll make the effort to visit the peasants.
She's also bringing Mr. Clean/Apollo. 50-year-old Peter confronts Phaedra about her comments last week about him having five kids and Phaedra explains that what she meant was that it's just better for a woman to be involved with a man with no baby mama. We learn that Phaedra has no idea when her baby is due. She claims that the doctors will be taking the baby out at 34 weeks because he's "all done.
Hey, as long as those lungs and other organs are good, it's time for that puppy to come out! The ladies are horrified and Nene flips out.
The chitchat gets really raunchy when Kandi starts giving the ladies sex tips. Pop Rocks aid in pleasing your man, apparently, as does sugar in the va-jay-jay. Phaedra knows all about the sugar trick but says powdered sugar works best. Nene once again flips out and says she wants no candied yams up inside her!
Mr. Clean shows up with a Gucci diaper bag for his baby mama, which completely turns off Sheree. 50-year-old Peter sticks his foot in his mouth when he tells Nene that the reason her marriage is falling apart is because she's like a log in bed. Nene says she's not into manual labor and, as far as she's concerned, 50-year-old Peter has crossed the line.
Nene's afraid of being alone but Kandi's mom offers her advice and tells her to let her guard down every so often and be herself. Don't waste any more time on pleasing others and be true to yourself. She needs to let people in and take off that armor. Nene feels a connection to Joyce and cries. Nene's one hot mama after all!