Stan Rosenfield has a message for celebrity gossip followers: Tsk. Tsk.

The rep for Charlie Sheen thinks it's just absurd that anyone would jump to conclusions about his client cheating on his wife, just because Sheen was photographed in an elaborate disguise... and has a history of paying prostitutes for sex... and is an all-around abysmal person.

Responding to this week's In Touch Weekly that pictures Sheen on the cover (donning a fake mustache) and accuses him of nailing Angelina Tracy, Rosenfield tells E! News:

"The woman in question is the sister of one of Sheen's campmates, and Sheen was only responding to a 12th-step call. Since Sheen knew he was being followed and how this would look, he wore the mustache in a tongue-in-cheek disguise gesture."

Ah, of course! Sheen, ever the humanitarian, was simply assisting a fellow addict.

Instead of being up front about that, he came up with a "tongue-in-cheek disguise gesture" because that would come across as funny to the press, not shady.

If you buy that story, you're probably also impressed by how large Heidi Montag's natural breasts have gotten.