You absolutely cannot make this stuff up.

Britney Spears arrived at her vital child-custody hearing about an hour ago... but scarcely got out of her black Escalade, which was being driven by Sam Lutfi.

Spears showed up at the courthouse at approximately 1:15 p.m PST, as her car entered the building garage, then pulled out and started driving around. At one point, Britney quickly got out of the car and screamed at journalists around her:

"Move back, I'm scared. Stop it, stop it. I want to get back in the car. Just stop it. Let me get in the car, please."

At that point, she got in and the car drove away.

What, did Britney expect a paparazzi-free greeting? Is custody of her children not worth the hassle of fighting through a gaggle of photographers?

Britney, of course, isn't legally required to attend these proceedings, but K-Fed is there and her legal team "strongly advised" her to attend.

We guess she did attend. Someone just failed to tell her the parking lot didn't count. Jayden and Sean should look forward to a future that involves their mother "attending" school plays because she was drinking a 40 in the parking lot.