If you scroll through our section of The Bachelorette spoilers, you will learn who wins the heart of Rachel Lindsay over the next several weeks.
You will know exactly who proposes to her later this summer.
But you will NOT know who makes Rachel cry all the tears.
You will NOT know who ends up with a bloody face.
You will NOT know who gets called out for being on the show for the "wrong reasons.:"
You will NOT know the identity of the men who swap spit with this beautiful attorney over the next few episodes.
You will NOT know who strips all the way down in a hot tub.
You will NOT know the gorgeous locales ABC sends Lindsay and her suitors off to during the course of this season.
You will NOT know who gets confronted by a woman who claims she's the contestant's girlfriend... and she has the text messages to prove it!
And perhaps most importantly ...
You will NOT know whether Lucas The Whaboom advances very far or whether Jonathan the Tickle Monster is in it for the long haul.
No, even Bachelorette spoilers that reveal exactly who Rachel Lindsay chooses on the finale don't give you everything in terms of details.
Indeed, readers, The Bachelorette season premiere was just the beginning of a season full of drama that promises to be one of the best.
The guys are already beefing with one another and going above and beyond to make an impression on Rachel ... for better or worse.
Usually worse. Just saying.
Where does everything go from here? Having pared the field down by six, she still has 25 men left, so who will Rachel eliminate next?
What insults will fly and how many tears will be shed? Which men will nearly come to blows? Which men seemingly will come to blows?
There can be no telling.
The ABC promo gurus are masters at what they do, so you can best believe that not everything you see below is what it appears.
That said ... DAMN!!!!
ABC has released an amazing, extended, four-minute teaser clip that at least hints at the answers to all these questions and more.
Breathe. Prepare yourself. If you're a card-carrying member of Bachelor Nation, this is what you want. This is what you came for.
Check it out now: