Donald Trump Jr.: I'm Acting Crazy Because of Covid, Not Cocaine!

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There's a menacing, potentially deadly force making its way across the country, and even if it doesn't make you physically ill, there's a good chance it'll tear your family apart.

But enough about Donald Trump's efforts to steal the election!

Donald Trump is Sad

On top of that, we're still dealing with the coronavirus pandemic!

And in some segments of our population, the numbers are more devastating than ever before.

Take the Trump family, for example, which is getting dangerously close to a 100 percent infection rate.

Donald Trump and Melania Trump at Airport

These people are passing around the 'rona so much it's like they're practicing for pointing the finger at one another once the post-presidency indictments start rolling in.

The latest victim of this viral sensation is Donald Trump Jr. who revealed over the weekend that he's tested positive for Covid-19.

Of course, testing is made possible by science, and the results were probably delivered by a doctor, so it's not hard to see why Don Jr. has his doubts about them.

DJT

"Apparently I got the 'rona," he told his followers in an Instagram video posted on Friday night.

"Maybe it's a false positive, maybe not."

Yeah, we guess you could say that about any medical test that's ever been administered, but the Trumps get the best medical care available to anyone, anywhere in the world, so the docs probably didn't eff up Junior's test.

Don Jr. With the 'Rona

Anyway, DJTJ is quarantining in his cabin in Upstate New York, and he says he's on the hunt for good Netflix and ebook recommendations.

After all, oiling up your rifle gets tiresome after a while.

"There are only so many guns I can clean before I get bored," Don Jr. continued.

Donald Trump Jr. and Vanessa Trump

Lil Donnie says he's "totally asymptomatic," but is still planning on following the self-isolation guidelines recommended by his doctor.

He went on to assure fans that -- despite frequent reports to the contrary -- he's not coked out of his mind all the time.

Apparently, this is just how he acts.

Donald Trump Jr. Looks Lost

"I don't have the red eyes like they claimed I had for apparently using cocaine prior to my RNC speech," he said.

"That is the world of the Internet. God knows I troll, and do my fair share of it, so I guess it comes back to me, in time, as well. That's the game."

Yeah, that's kind of a weird tangent for a video about Covid-19.

Donald Trump Jr, Kimberly Guilfoyle, and Donald Trump

But hey, maybe Don Jr. is just introducing a new excuse for cokeheads the world over.

This way, when Hunter Biden shows up to Thanksgiving dinner with eyes redder than the cranberry sauce, he can just blame it on the 'rona.

See, folks? We give it to both sides!

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