If you wrote up this story as fiction and sent it to an editor, they'd send it right back with a stern note. Because it's just not believable.
But police say that they arrested a woman for crystal meth.
Her name? ... Crystal Methvin.
This story, to absolutely no one's shock or dismay, takes place in Florida.
According to the St. Augustine police department, officers acted upon an anonymous tip in order to carry out this arrest.
It is unclear if the tip mentioned anything about drugs -- reports say that police were told of a woman sitting in her car on the side of the highway.
When officers arrived, Crystal did not have her driver's license on hand.
This is when police say that they found a bag of crystal meth, along with other items described as drug paraphernalia.
Officers say that they believe that Crystal Methvin was selling these drugs.
Crystal was arrested and is being held on $5,000 bond.
She now faces a third-degree felony charge. Yes, folks, possession of meth is illegal, even in Florida.
Douglas Nickerson was also arrested, but, for some reason, is getting less attention.
Possibly because his name is not intensely hilarious.
Obviously, crystal meth itself is no laughing matter.
Methamphetamines are stimulant drugs that can take various forms, such as powder or pills.
Crystal meth is, well, a crystalline form that resembles shards of glass (or rock candy -- but please do not eat it).
By all of its various nicknames, meth is illegal, and considered part of the same class of hard drugs as heroin and cocaine.
In addition to behavioral and health issues that can result from taking the drug, it is noted for degrading the facial structure and teeth of its users.
Some people are scratching their heads over why anyone would be named Crystal Methvin.
While cruel jokes are always a possibility, there is also a decent chance that no one realized what her name could be taken to mean at the time.
After all, some people obliviously name their children after famous porn studios. It's not malicious, it's just ... adorably naive.
Still, Crystal Methwin's admittedly hilarious arrest has led some to wonder if she was somehow predestined (or doomed) to do meth.
Others have wondered if anyone else whose name resembles an illicit substance should be quietly reported to police.
(Please do not; your joke could ruin someone's life)
Just another day in the busy life of Florida Woman.