90 Day Fiance: The Other Way Season 4 is coming to a close.
There is not much time left for couples to resolve their differences on camera.
And that’s a problem for several of them.
“I’m done” is not an uncommon phrase, but Season 4, Episode 14 saw multiple actual breakups.
Even the couples who didn’t split on camera have major issues looming over their heads.
Kris Foster and Jeymi Noguera
Five months later, Kris is back in Colombia. She is happy to be back to see her wife … but they have a lot to talk about. Both women are hurting.
Jeymi feels similarly
She has pulled out all of the stops to welcome Kris home, but she has a lot of hurt and anger. She wants to talk about all of it with Kris … but not right away.
Seeing each other again is a joyous moment
For a moment, a lot of bitterness and worry and questions and points of contention seem to melt away. Kris and Jeymi lock eyes and embrace, and they’re full of joy. Inside, Jeymi has decorated to welcome Kris home — including with s’mores ingredients. It’s all very cute and personal.
They both know that things will be awkward for a while
Both Kris and Jeymi have a lot to say to each other. Really, the only person whose excitement is uncomplicated is their dog. But for now, they want to have a good night now that they are reunited.
You know what else helped to cut the tension?
Kris showed off her eccentricities early this season while wearing a unicorn onesie. Now, Jeymi has one to match it. Dancing around in their new costumes served as an icebreaker. It sounds like, after everything, they weren’t in the mood for more traditional marital bond-repair work. Considering what happens … we don’t blame them.
Unfortunately, Kris’ 5-month absence included Jeymi’s birthday
This would have been their first time celebrating together. Instead, Jeymi spent her first birthday as a married woman without her wife. We learn that Kris’ final delay had to do with her son getting into some manner of trouble. Her son is an adult … but still a teenager. Kris had to help him, though the details remain very vague.
Kris is here to make up for lost time
This will be Jeymi’s first time swimming in years (which either sounds relatable or unthinkable, depending upon your own life). Kris went all out, having the owner decorate the pool and include a spread for the occasion.
The spread is every bit as customized as Jeymi’s s’mores were
Kris has a red velvet cake for her wife, cheese balls (basically generic spherical cheetos), and more. It all has the makings of a wonderful day.
They have a wonderful time in the pool
It’s not just smiles and giggling, either. To the confessional camera, Kris and Jeymi express how this reminds them of the woman with whom they fell in love. This is what they signed up for. But, unfortunately, they do have to talk things through if they want to resolve these bitter feelings.
Kris had promised to be there for Jeymi’s birthday
Jeymi tells her that she understood that she had to help her son — again, his situation remains vague — but it hurt that Kris did not keep her promise. It was, of course, part of a larger issue. Kris explains that she’s a mom, so sometimes her responsibilities have to come first, no matter what she wants.
There are larger, more practical issues
Jeymi brings up the money issue. Kris did pay the rent for a time after she returned to Alabama, but then she stopped. This created issues for both of them. In Kris’ mind, Jeymi’s job search had lasted for months, and she wondered if she was still trying. From Jeymi’s perspective, Kris had not only abandoned her physically, but walked away from her financial responsibilities — even after promising her that she wouldn’t need to worry.
Now, Kris can explain that
But instead of waiting for Jeymi to finish, Kris keeps trying to talk. Unfortunately, the situation quickly goes downhill, with both of them blundering. Kris is interrupting, when Jeymi wants to say her piece first. And Jeymi? Well, she begins speaking louder and louder, which upsets Kris, who feels that she’s raising her voice at her (she is raising her voice, the “at her” is subjective).
And that’s it
A furious Kris storms off, leaving the belated birthday girl alone at her pool party. Well, the production crew is there, but they don’t really count. That is a grim way for that to end. And there is no ta lot of time left in the season to resolve things.
Daniele Gates and Yohan Geronimo
Despite things getting off to a rocky start between the two very tall, Size 14 shoe men, Yohan and Taylen Alexander — Daniele’s friend — meet up for basketball. Taylen is a professional, but it’s a close game, as apparently they are playing by different rules … and do not speak the same language. We couldn’t say whether this is true or an excuse, but perhaps viewers more familiar with sports caught the nuances of their game.
After they’re done getting all sweaty, it’s time to discuss dong
That is to say, Yohan offers Taylen an apology for asking deliberately inappropriate questions the other day. His goal was to humiliate his wife to punish her for, what, having a friend without his approval? Taylen was just collateral damage.
Also, Yohan has questions for Taylen
He wants to know if Daniele was “controlling” with him during their 5-month relationship. Taylen’s answer is actually pretty nuanced. Simply put, Daniele is “not a submissive woman” … but he didn’t see things as imbalanced.
Daniele wants “as much control as you”
As he sees it, Taylen didn’t live under Daniele’s thumb. She told him how she wanted things, and he told her how he wanted things. They shared control of the relationship, because they were the two people in it.
Yohan says that this sounds good to him
That … would seem to fly in the face of some of his previous behavior. Viewers have seen Yohan object to the idea of Daniele driving, which is almost cartoonishly chauvinistic. Perhaps, in his mind, that’s not a control issue? But it very much is.
Despite his height, Yohan is still neck deep in gender role BS
Hopefully, he knows that he needs to get over certain toxic ideas — just as Debbie needs to communicate more reasonably and make fewer unilateral decisions for them both. But unlearning and moving past all of this sexist baggage could require some earnest work. Is he prepared to do that?
Later, Yohan meets with Daniele
She asks him if he now understands and believes that, no, her having a friend who happens to be an ex does not mean that one or both of them are pining to get back together. Daniele moved to the DR to be with Yohan. She married Yohan. There’s no competition.
They really are both trying
But Daniele and Yohan are both so stubborn that, when they clash, it gets ugly very quickly.
Deep down, Yohan feels like Daniele doesn’t respect him or their marriage
In theory, he’s “okay” with her having friends (she doesn’t like the idea that he’s giving her permission), but it became about how Daniele decided to do what she wanted. He doesn’t understand why a married woman would ignore her husband’s wishes, even if they’re not reasonable. (Again, he and Taylen seem fine now)
Meanwhile, Daniele also feels disrespected
He has insulted and belittled and humiliated her, and not just with Taylen. Before that, he embarrassed her at his birthday party, snubbing her in front of his family after she put the festivities together. It’s not healthy.
Neither of them are interested in changing
In fact, Daniele is pretty outspoken about how she has no desire to change who she is as a person. That’s not the same as not making accommodations to help their marriage, but it feels … similar. If neither of them are willing to budge, what happens?
Daniele grows increasingly frustrated
After a while, she checks out of the argument, accusing Yohan of continuing talking without making any progress. “I’m done,” she tells him. Presumably just with the argument.
Well, this is illustrative
In the background, we see Yohan still sitting on the beach, watching his wife. Meanwhile, she wonders if she should just spend the next year in the DR alone — she wonders if this marriage is the wrong choice.
Debbie Aguero and Oussama
Having had such an ugly fight with Debbie the night before, Oussama meets up with his sister, Asmaa, to chat. Asmaa knows that something is wrong — because Debbie packed up her things and left the house. It’s not subtle. But she doesn’t know what went wrong.
So, what happened?
Oussama describes how he intended to just paint, while Debbie kept asking him questions about their future. She wanted to have a plan, especially after he blindsided her in the past with unpleasant surprises.
Basically, Oussama says that he snapped
Growing angry, he insulted Debbie repeatedly. He also basically “ordered” her to take him to the US and get him a visa, none of which was part of their plan before now.
Was it really all just a misunderstanding?
According to Oussama, Debbie’s plan to “move” to Morocco didn’t register in his mind as a permanent move. We hate to say it, because so much of what he has said sounds so fishy, but it is possible that a non-native English speaker might hear “move” and think “travel,” where most Americans use it to mean a permanent or semi-permanent relocation. But … even if it’s an honest mistake, there’s more going on here.
Oussama had a plan all along
He very directly tells his sister that he always intended to move to America to give himself a better shot at making it as an artist and a poet. Now, Debbie’s desire to move to Rabat — even though he had promised her that they could do so beforehand (he admitted as much) — is weighing on him.
Asmaa does not express a lot of surprise at this
She privately tells the camera that she has seen Oussama become angry and lash out verbally at loved ones, including herself. Sadly, that means that it is no surprise that he insulted Debbie the way that he did.
Now, Oussama wants to take it all back
He wants to convince her that he loves her, that he was not just using her. But which version of him should she believe? The Oussama today, or the Oussama last night?
Despite everything, Debbie doesn’t hate him
She agrees to sit down with him and talk, and admits that she doesn’t have hate in her heart for him … even after everything that he said to her.
Oussama also seems to rewrite history
Given his and Debbie’s statements, it sounds like he’s sort of fudging things when he says that the plan was “always” that he could move to the US. Debbie said that they could travel there, that he could meet her children. In her mind, their plan was always to live in Morocco as a couple.
Oussama says that she shouldn’t take anything that he says in anger seriously
There is a tendency upon certain people who choose to have angry verbal outbursts (not talking about damaged prefrontal lobes or Tourette Syndrome, but the people who choose to be like this) to insist that their targets excuse their antics on the grounds that they were angry when they said it. That is never reasonable.
Can love conquer all?
Debbie notes that love can overcome anything. But it has to be real love. She tells Oussama that he has clearly not loved her enough or put enough into their relationship. Meeting him today has only confirmed this.
And with that, she’s out
We were fully expecting her to give him another undeserved chance. Instead, Debbie gets up from the cafe table and walks away. It’s time to leave Oussama and Morocco behind.
She means it, too!
Even knowing that her kids will have “I told you so” written all over their faces, Debbie packs her bags and leaves. She has learned a hard lesson. Even after years of talking to Oussama following more than a decade of closing herself off from the world of romance, he was not who she had believed him to be. Debbie vows that she won’t close herself off again … but she will be more careful.
Gabriel Paboga and Isabel Posada
It’s the wedding day! Gabe is already nervous while getting ready before he checks his messages. Monica, his sister, is not coming. It all stems from an interaction last night.
What went wrong?
Gabe was out with Monica and her boyfriend. Isabel was coming, but Monica wanted to go. So Gabe said “let’s not go yet” because his fiancee was on her way. Monica took this as a sign that Gabriel felt nervous about upsetting Isabel (instead of just being conscientious about her time and feelings) and Monica grew increasingly unhappy as the night went on. Gabe didn’t tell Isabel any of this, however. And now Monica just … isn’t coming.
Fortunately, his mom is there
She doesn’t take sides in this conflict, but she loves her son and daughter. And she knows that, right now, Gabe absolutely cannot focus on this. Yes, Monica is part of the ceremony, but Gabe’s role is a little more important. Because he is the groom.
He does have to process the emotions of that
That means tears. His mom is there to comfort him … but also to remnd him to get ready. He does not want to be late for his own wedding.
Meanwhile, Gabe is not the only one receiving reassurances from a parent
Isabel’s dad reassures her about how the wedding will go well. She is understandably anxious. She had a limited time in which to plan it, and she has been dreaming of this day for all of her life.
There’s just one thing missing
Gabe is running late. Isabel cannot really hide her concern and frustration. And she has an inkling that something went down with Gabe and Monica last night, even if he acted like it was no big deal. Will this ruin the wedding? Honestly … maybe the family should have met long before this. Meeting just days before the wedding can make a lot of messes with very little time for cleanup.
Jen Boecher and Rishi Singh
For the first time since Randi revealed their three-year engagement to Rishi’s family, Jen and Rishi meet face-to-face. (Randi and Myra are going shopping) Jen has been feeling optimistic and even a little relieved since that day. That is only because she does not know Rishi’s mother and uncle’s honest reactions.
And Rishi isn’t sure how to tell her
When Jen left that day, they were both feeling relieved at how positively his mother and uncle took it. Well, if not “positively,” at least “not very negatively.” Then his mom told him that there was just no way that she would be okay with this.
It was a hard “no”
Now, Rishi has to break the news to Jen, even as he wrestles with it himself. This is not going to be pretty.
Jen’s impression was that the biggest issue was living arrangements
She is not willing to do a “blended family” living situation, where she lives as a servant in her mother-in-law’s house. Rishi’s mom is adamant that he not move out of the house, and fears that he will live somewhere else with Jen. Well, that was her big worry before she learned moer about Jen, anyway.
Rishi says that this isn’t the big deal
Jen describes how a blended family setup sounds like “prison” to her (she’s a little hyperbolic but she’s not wrong). Rishi says that they’d get a home near his mom’s home, so that he could spend time helping her out. That’s not ideal, but he would bear the brunt of it, not her.
So what was the real problem?
Rishi’s mom found out that Jen is 16 years older than Rishi. She and his uncle both expressed their shock and condemnation, noting that people in their specific region of India do not do this — not with a younger man and an older woman. And they both obsessed over what neighbors and relatives might say.
Unfortunately, to them, it’s a dealbreaker
It’s never good to be told that “you’re too old” for something. Unless it’s, like, a military draft. Or weird social media bullying that anyone over 30 finds baffling. Certainly not “you’re too old to marry my son.” Because 16 years isn’t even a huge age gap when the younger partner is in his thirties.
But for Rishi’s mom, it’s everything
Struggling to speak without showing his heartbreak, Rishi tells Jen that the age gap killed their hope of getting his mom’s blessing.
Well, is that it?
Jen starts taking off her engagement ring. She loves Rishi, but it’s pretty clear where this conversation is headed. And it’s not to a wedding planner.
In the past, Rishi sounded very romantic
But he knows that he won’t go against his family’s wishes on this, even if it costs him his happiness. That is baffling to many, but perhaps relatable to some. Rishi knows that he should have told Jen sooner. And she tells him that she wishes that he had found out that her age would be a dealbreaker before he ever proposed.
Devastating
Rishi is tearful. Meanwhile, Jen is so upset that she feels almost numb.
This is goodbye
Maybe something will change. Maybe Rishi will muster some unexpected courage. Maybe his mom’s heart will grow three sizes that day. But maybe we’d do just as well wishing for Jen to suddenly become a 26-year-old Indian woman whose lifelong dream is to help her mother-in-law prepare dinner.