You may not believe this.
We hope you are sitting down for this.
Okay, here we go...
Danielle Staub - the former full-time Real Housewives of New Jersey cast member known for having a sex tape and screaming at Teresa Giudice and sort of being a criminal coke whore - is involved in more drama.
This time, the drama, involves Marty Caffrey, Staub's husband of two months.
Who may not be her husband for very much longer.
Scroll down to discover ALL the ways in which he takes some issue with his controversial wife:
Wait, Danielle Staub is Married?
Yes! She tied the knot with Marty on May 5 in the Bahamian island of Bimin. Teresa Giudice and Margaret Josephs were Matrons of Honor, while Melissa Gorga served as bridesmaid.
Such a Happy Bride
"There’s just not a better feeling in the world," Staub told People Magazine after she exchanged these vows. "I'm still crying over it... it was beautiful.”
So, Where Did It Go Wrong?
Umm....everywhere? In a three-page statement submitted to Radar Online, Marty said he has suffered "financial, verbal and emotional abuse” from his "arrogant, disrespectful, presumptuous and entitled" wife. After mere months of marriage!
A Not Very Happy Birthday
"Her birthday party was the tipping point," Marty tells Radar
of a mid-July 2018 celebration. "I was left completely in the dark. I wasn't allowed to know who was invited. My family and friends were left out until the last minute only because I kept pressing the issue. There was no intention of including my family or friends."
Tell Us More, Marty...
"I was expected to pay for it. Which I refused to do," he says of this party, rattling on about Staub: "This arrogant, disrespectful, presumptuous and entitled attitude I find disturbing. All of this is why I did not attend. You want to throw a self-indulgence, attention seeking party for yourselves, want me to pay for it, but I'm not allowed to know anything about it or to ask any questions? What world do you live in?"
The World of Danielle Staub?
Did Marty never see the way she acted throughout her run on The Real Housewives of New Jersey? The answer is actually no, Marty says. He was unfamiliar with that part of her life when he married her.
It Gets So Much Worse, Too
Marty says he had to "cancel" his credit cards after continued "abuse" to his bank accounts, explaining: "I've done OK in my life but if that’s not good enough then there’s nothing I can do about that."
She's Just So Ungrateful
"I bailed Danielle out of a really tough situation," Marty says in his lengthy complaint. "I gave her a platform to be relevant again. Because I believed in her and loved her. I still love her and still believe in her. And her payback is nothing but financial, verbal and emotional abuse. I've tried dozens of times to talk to Danielle about this but she just buries her head in the sand."
Entitlement. Narcissism. General Terribleness.
All Staub ever asks of Marty into give her stuff or get her stuff, from groceries at the market to sending her cash via Venmo: "It gets back to this unbelievable level of entitlement and narcissism that exists. It wasn't always that way but when she became relevant again, with my help, she changed. There's never any time for just "us." She should be thanking me, not verbally and emotionally abusing me, not dominating me, not ignoring me."
What About Marty's Kids?
They WERE familiar with Staub's exploits from her Bravo days and they judged her as a result. "[Danielle] offers no path forward to allow my children back into my life," he says. "Yes I see them but I do it alone and not with my wife."
Marriage is a Two-Way Street
Someone needs to explain this to Staub, Marty says: "I'm sure Danielle could list my faults and her side of the story. And I recognize that. I have many faults. I've often asked her to admit we both have 50% blame and we can go from there. But all we talk about is my 50% which makes it 100% my fault."
So, When is the Divorce Happening?
Marty somehow says he isn't certain it will. "To clear one thing up, I have not filed for divorce at this time," he emphasizes, causing us to wonder what he is waiting for.
What Does Danielle Say to All of This?
Nothing herself. But a rep has responded as follows: "Danielle is very disappointed that Marty spent time composing a three-page statement for the media but won't sit down and talk with her about the situation. She is also disappointed that he seems much more concerned about press coverage than he does about his marriage."
This Will Clearly End Very Well and Very Amicably