Amber Portwood: I'm Not Going to Prison AND I'm Getting My Son Back!

So hey, you know how Amber Portwood is an awful person who has done awful things?

Of course you remember, and if you don't, then we'll get into a recap shortly.

Sometimes being an awful person who does awful things means that you get arrested and have to go to court, and sometimes you can even go to prison.

So will Amber go to prison for her most recent awful act, the assault on Andrew Glennon from back in July?

Let's talk about it ...

1. A Look Back

It's been a wild few months for Amber Portwood, huh?

2. Oh, OK

Because she's the worst, that's why.

3. The Incident

She's the worst for a lot of reasons, but today we're mostly going to be talking about that time that she was arrested for assaulting Andrew Glennon back in July because they couldn't make it to see some ding dang fireworks.

4. So Awful

According to Andrew's story, she went off when there was roadwork that kept them from getting to a fireworks display. They went home, Andrew took baby James for a ride, then a few hours later they came back home again, and Amber was STILL MAD.

5. Insanity

She beat him with a shoe, threatened to kill herself, took a handful of pills that she regurgitated when Andrew tried to call 911, then ended the night by grabbing a machete and chasing him around the house, all while he was holding the baby.

6. Good

After she was arrested, she was charged with three felonies -- but there was still a whole, whole lot more to come out.

7. So Cruel

While Amber was awaiting trial, she did an interview with Dr. Drew for a Teen Mom OG reunion special, and in that interview, she made fun of Andrew for texting 911 instead of calling, like that's the thing to criticize here, and she also called his whole story "insane."

8. Nope

That really seemed to set Andrew off, and understandably so -- after that, he began to talk more and more about what his relationship with Amber was really like.

9. The Not-So-Happy Couple

He said that she'd been verbally and physically abusive for several months before her arrest, and that was rough with baby James on a couple of occasions, too. He even claimed that she'd threatened to kill the baby.

10. Uh Oh

Then the recordings started coming out. First was this one where Amber can be heard berating Andrew and threatening to kill him while James can be heard playing in the background.

11. Yikes

Next was this one where we hear Amber complaining about how she never wanted to be pregnant in the first place. We can also hear her hitting him this time, and there are more death threats, too.

12. Ugh

In the third and final recording that's been released, Amber and Andrew discuss an incident in which he punched him in the face while they were driving to Leah's school.

13. So Much

So that's a whole lot of information, right? And every single bit of it makes Amber look horrible.

14. Sorry, Amber

And when you consider that she's already a convicted felon and part of what sent her to prison the first time was domestic violence ... it seemed like almost a sure bet that she'd be serving more time, right?

15. Hmmm

That's why it was so shocking when the news recently came out that she'd be accepting a plea deal that would get her out of prison completely.

16. Real Talk

With her history and all the evidence against her, it just didn't make sense.

17. The Big Day

Well, today was Amber's big day in court, so we don't have to rely on rumors or reports abot what's happening anymore -- we know exactly how it all went down.

18. For Sure

And honestly, it's pretty wild.

19. The Details

As we knew, Amber had been charged with three felonies -- domestic battery, domestic battery in the presence of a child less than 16 years old, and criminal recklessness committed with a deadly weapon.

20. Interesting

Those last two charges were thrown out, but a fourt count was added -- a sentence enhancement for intimidation since she's a "habitual felony offender."

21. Right

The original reports about the plea deal stated that she'd receive one year of probation, but according to The Ashley's Reality Roundup, she'll actually be on probation for much longer.

22. Neat

Apparently she was sentenced to 910 days in the county jail -- right around two and a half years -- but most of the sentence was suspended. Meaning that if she violates probation, that's how much time she'll have to spend in jail.

23. Headed to Jail?

Based on how things were worded, it looks like she will have to spend four days in jail. She already did two days back when she was arrested, so she may still have to head back for another two at some point.

24. Awesome

She's not allowed to leave the state of Indiana unless it's for work, and she has to attend parenting classes. She'll also have to take something called BIP classes -- "BIP" stands for "Battery Intervention Program," so that should be good for her.

25. Solid Move

Her probation officer will be able to access her mental health treatment records, presumably so that they can be sure she's following through with treatment, and she'll also have to undergo psychological and substance abuse evaluation.

26. Ha

Oh, and random drug tests at least once a month? Yep, that'll be a thing that happens.

27. Shocking

Also -- and this is the really surprising part -- she's been granted three visits a week with James. Unsupervised.

28. Bizarre

She can't leave the state, she has to have monthly drug tests, she has to take parenting classes and classes to help teach her not to beat people, and she can't even legally contact her child's father, but unsupervised visits, right off the bat? OK.

29. Huh

Andrew still has his no contact order in place, but that's it. That's the whole sentence.

30. Weird

It's more than a little disappointing that you can chase your boyfriend and your baby around with a machete and not see any prison time, especially when you have such a long history with domestic violence.

31. Alas ...

But that's just the way it goes sometimes, isn't it?

32. But Wait!

But before you get to thinking that there's no hope for justice here, hold on -- she still has to get through two and a half years of probation without messing up.

33. The Truth

And for her, that simply may not be possible.

34. The History

Before she went to prison years ago, she was on probation first -- she was charged with three felonies for domestic violence in 2010 and placed on probation for two years.

35. Couldn't Make It

She violated probation then by getting into a fight and then being found with drugs. Sure, she was given another chance then by getting the opportunity to do rehab instead, but ultimately she chose to just do the prison sentence because it was too hard for her to stay clean.

36. Something to Consider

Andrew has said that when he was still with her, she'd spend hours at night locked in a closet doing drugs, and if that's true, then there's a real chance she could violate that probation and end up back in prison.