90 Day Fiance is back with Season 8, Episode 11.
After weeks of hitting it raw, Brandon Gibbs and Julia Trubkina face a major pregnancy scare.
Brandon’s first instinct is to tell Mother Dearest, but Julia is appropriately baffled, wanting to wait until they take the test.
Content warning: one of this episode’s storylines includes an allegation of sexual assault.
That relationship is Stephanie Davison and Ryan Carr, which is fortunately over as of this episode’s filming.
Tarik Myers and Hazel Cagalitan are on the path to their wedding.
When they open up to Tarik’s friend about their plans to find a girlfriend, his friend has some valid concerns. It’s a touching moment.
Yara Zaya puts on a brave face for an engagement party with Jovi Dufren’s family.
But Jovi keeps blowing her off … even on the same night that they tell his parents that they’re expecting.
Rebecca Parrott is still grappling with her jealousy issues and a bewildered Zied Hakimi.
Visiting family mostly helps … but it also brings up another sore subject.
Finally, Mike Youngquist and Natalie Mordovtseva have what may be their worst fight yet.
And Natalie admits that a lot of her behavior stems from one thing from the past that she may have totally imagined.
Brandon Gibbs and Julia Trubkina
It has been a couple of weeks, Brandon says, since things changed for the better for him and Julia. As you may recall, Julia was miserable with her 90 Day Farmhand experience. When Brandon shared that they were going to move out (you know, so that they could live with dignity and respect), Betty responded with tears and Ron exploded with anger. Terrified of stretching the umbilical cord past its limits, Betty agreed to let the two share a room in order to keep her “baby” from leaving. This will, on the positive side, help Brandon save money as he continues to work full time.
Uh Oh
Julia tells Brandon that she is feeling nauseated. She then confides that she was sick all morning and fears that it is morning sickness — a tell-tale sign of pregnancy. It is implied that Brandon’s pull-out method (not a reliable method of birth control, even if you pull out every time — JUST GET A VASECTOMY, BRANDON) was even less successful than usual about a week earlier.
Brandon Gibbs wants to tell his parents about morning sickness
Brandon’s first response is to tell his mom
Julia’s face says it all. Literally the last thing that you do when someone could be having pregnancy symptoms is blab to people — least of all to controlling people like Betty and Ron.
Please no
They don’t even know if she’s pregnant — they haven’t taken a pregnancy test (and for some reason don’t opt to pick up one on the way home), but Brandon wants to alert his parents over what may be a scare?
Julia understands all too well
Years of controlling behavior have left Brandon emotionally and psychologically bound to his parents. He genuinely believes that he needs their advice and approval, and so going to them is always his panic response.
Julia knows how HER parents would react
Brandon’s? She doesn’t know, and all of this is compounded by the ridiculousness brought on by uncertainty.
This can’t go well
If they wanted to tell Betty and Ron right away after a positive test — if they decided to go through with becoming parents — that would be one thing. But now? It makes no sense.
Oh, how on the nose!
They sit down with the parents on the porch to play Jenga, a game that is all about … pulling out. This is when Brandon imparts the news that Julia could potentially be pregnant.
“No”
After weeks of inappropriately nagging Julia about her lack of birth control, Betty still seems stunned by the maybe-news.
Ron’s response makes more sense
Upon learning that they haven’t taken a test yet, Ron notes that they should do that, and should have taken one right away. Brandon vows to get one on his way home from work.
Julia had to wait all day
Brandon went to work and Julia was anxious all day, unable to simply go out and get her own test. When Brandon comes home, it’s time to take the test, and she’s nervous.
GOOD NEWS
Julia is not pregnant, she discovers upon taking the tests.
Julia is concerned for the future, though
Even with this being just a pregnancy scare, what if Betty and Ron use this to impose more control over them as a couple? It’s not an unrealistic fear.
Stephanie Davison and Ryan Carr
Content warning for this segment of the recap: Stephanie describes having been sexually assaulted through what is sometimes known as reproductive coercion or, as predators call it, “stealthing.” This is an upsetting topic and should never happen to anyone.
Ryan is leaving and Stephanie is yelling
She is clearly angry but also desperate to talk to him, presumably about what has upset her so much in this moment.
“Are you afraid of the truth, Ryan?”
Ryan seems afraid of something, as he quickly flees the area without explanation to the cameras — though they do catch up with him.
“With no condom?”
Stephanie made a show of having brought glow-in-the-dark condoms with her to Belize on this trip, and she also explained that she simply doesn’t trust him after 10 months apart, given his history of “talking” to other women.
She sounds hurt, betrayed, and devastated
Many viewers also observed that Stephanie sounds as though she still may have been under the influence of the drinks from dinner.
Then, Stephanie explains
She says that Ryan crinkled the condom wrapper and told her that the condom was on, but that when she said that they needed lube as they began having sex, he told her that there was no condom on — meaning that he allegedly tricked her into unprotected sex, to which she did not consent.
That is a crime … but maybe not in Belize
A number of countries have successfully and correctly prosecuted sexual predators for “stealthing,” which is precisely as Stephanie described — covertly removing or not wearing a condom without their partner’s consent. It is a type of reproductive coercion — which is sexual assault — just like sabotaging birth control pills or poking holes in condoms. While all sexual predators deserve to be prosecuted, a look at Belize’s laws sent a chill down our spines when we researched it. Given that spousal rape is legal on paper in Belize, we are very afraid that reproductive coercion may not be prosecutable there.
Stephanie’s feelings are clear
“F–k off and die, Ryan,” she says to the camera, after explaining what happened. Clearly, she is still processing her emotions, and at this point the cameras should not have been filming her, or the footage should never have aired. But it often seems like 90 Day Fiance does not care about right or wrong, and thus cameras continued to film a woman just minutes after her alleged assault.
Ryan Carr speaks
Ryan doesn’t go into detail about his decision making in explicit terms, but only stops just short of a confession. He says that every trip, Stephanie brings condoms.
But then he says “we never use them”
Ryan says that Stephanie has a history of trust issues with him, which is true. Is he saying that this is why he felt entitled to violate her trust and have unprotected sex with her without her consent?
Meanwhile …
Stephanie, having processed how little Ryan seems to care about her well being, is suddenly hit with the fear that he has stolen her mother’s ring to get revenge on her. She searches the apartment.
She does find it
It is clear that there are many serious, toxic elements to their relationship — some of which included a lack of trust, some power imbalances, and what appeared to be potential mutual exploitation. We’re glad that it’s over, but horrified by how it ended.
Stephanie is desperate for answers
She calls Ryan and asks him why he would do this to her. It is difficult to write about this without seeing the raw footage, which we likely never will, so we only have the version that production decided to show — where Ryan seems to imply that he disregarded Stephanie’s condom requirement because he dismissed her “trust issues.”
Well, that’s it
Stephanie affirms to the confessional camera that she is absolutely done with Ryan.
But wait … oh, no
Desperate for a friend and not really knowing anyone else there except for Ryan and those close to him, Stephanie calls the one person she knows in Belize who is not on speaking terms with Ryan: his cousin, Harris.
Stephanie realizes how bad Ryan was
Harris assures her that he knew this and notes that he had warned her that Ryan was just using her.
Stephanie makes another call
She calls her friend, Maria, and relates her traumatic story. Maria is rightly horrified by what happened. She gives Stephanie her blessing to spend time with Harris if that’s what she needs, but warns her friend to not be too trusting. (Real talk, Stephanie should have looked into whether she could file a police report and then, if the answer is no, flown back to the US the next day … not entertaining television, but better for her mental and emotional health in the short- and long-term)
Tarik Myers and Hazel Cagalitan
Despite major setbacks by the COVID-19 pandemic, things are going well for these two. Hazel’s son, in the Philippines, is doing much better. Tarik pours champagne for himself and Hazel (very little for her, on the grounds that she is a lightweight) and they are looking forward to their wedding date.
This is such a cute moment
Hazel does seem to be one of those people who starts getting giggly the moment that a bottle opens (it’s not dishonest, it’s a human social instinct), but it’s so nice to see them together like this. They really are in love.
They video chat with Tarik’s friend, Angela
Angela was one of those who was so welcoming to Hazel when she arrived in the US, which was a really touching moment for Hazel.
They open up about their relationship goals
Specifically, Tarik and Hazel are searching for a girlfriend. They will both date this woman when they find the right one, in a polyamorous relationship known as a “throuple.”
Angela has such a good response
Right in front of Tarik, she makes sure that Hazel is good with this. There are some men who will pressure their girlfriends to be open to a threesome or an open relationship or to finding a girlfriend. In light of that knowledge and the obvious power dynamic between an American man marrying a woman who comes from poverty, Angela wanted to check with Hazel — even though she knows Tarik — and make sure that it’s okay with her. That is really very sweet.
Hazel assures her that it’s fine
She shares that it’s her idea. As fans know, Hazel has been out as bi online for years, with some wonderful support from Tarik. At home, however, she was closeted. One of her sisters is bi and her parents reacted very negatively. It is always awful when people face inexcusable bigotry from their families.
Angela did warn that jealousy could be a factor
It’s true — just like monogamy isn’t for everyone, polyamory isn’t for everyone either. Some people do get jealous — and Hazel shares Angela’s worries that she’ll be concerned, just as she was when they tried to date Minty (though there were special circumstances there).
Jovi Dufren and Yara Zaya
Yara is pregnant and not having a great day, but that night, she and Jovi are going to a “small” engagement party
Jovi’s behavior has her on edge
He left her alone for half of the day at his parents’ house so that he could go drinking with friends. If he wants to spend time out with friends, that would be one thing, but leaving Yara to spend that time at his parents’ house is … not thoughtful.
That matter is not resolved
But Yara has to put on a happy face for the party … one that is going to be much larger than she imagined
Yara is so good at being polite
She praises the party to Gwen, Jovi’s mom.
Internally, she’s screaming
When Yara imagines a small party, she thinks of … you know, a small party. This is 50 people or more, but she gives Gwen the benefit of the doubt.
They share a “romantic” dance
While Gwen looks on and says that she sees that they’re really in love with each other, Yara is quietly scolding Jovi. It’s an amazing moment of juxtaposition.
Jovi claims to not know what’s wrong
This is, again, the fundamental problem that they’ve had from day one — they are different people with different ideas about what is polite, what is rude, and what a partner owes to the other. Jovi isn’t intentionally being rude, but the fact that he keeps upsetting Yara without knowing what he did wrong is a sign of incompatibility.
But Yara praises Gwen
She compliments the party, the food, and is generally a very sweet person to her future mother-in-law.
Jovi shares the news
Yara is pregnant!
Big news!!!
Gwen reacts with astonishment and then delight, confessing to the camera that it was the best news of the night.
Then things turn sour
Jovi just straight-up disappears to drink even more than before, leaving his bride-to-be alone at a party of his friends and family.
Yara’s not happy
Outside, beyond the earshot of his family, Yara talks about how even his friends acknowledged to her that Jovi had blown her off.
Yara cries
Jovi initially seemed to think that she was just teasing him, as she sometimes does, but Yara is genuinely worried about her future. She’s pregnant and he is once again drunk and blowing her off. That doesn’t paint a pretty picture of their future together.
Jovi gets fed up
Blitzed out of his mind, he says “I’m done” and walks off.
Rebecca Parrott and Zied Hakimi
It’s the day after their dinner with her daughter and her daughter’s friends, and they’re still experiencing some fallout from, well, Rebecca’s jealousy over that one very pretty girl, Hannah, being friendly to Zied.
They want to fix things
But there are two things at play. First, Zied’s concept of what might or might not be flirty is completely different from an American one. He took Hannah’s offer as she meant it — literally, she would help him move furniture. Second, Rebecca is jealous, and also self-conscious of her age and how it looked like she was essentially getting made a fool of on camera.
“Just say no”
Rebecca tells Zied that, in the future, if any woman offers to help him or do something for him, he should just say “no.” That is … a little extreme.
They’re going to meet Rebecca’s son
Her son, Brandon, and his wife, Kirsten are there. And so is one of Rebecca’s grandchildren.
She has five, in fact
It’s a little weird for a lot of viewers to hear Zied, a 27-year-old man, be called “grandpa,” though of course it doesn’t make a lick of difference to small kids. When you’re little, 30 and 60 are essentially the same.
Brandon is much more positive about Zied
He says that Zied was a little awkward and reserved, but he can more than understand that from a guy who was until very recently living his entire life in Tunisia.
Zied was great with the grandkids
He also noted how he misses his niblings (nieces and nephews), as his sister’s kids were almost like his own.
Here’s another of Rebecca’s worries
She has some understandable insecurities, as she cannot give Zied biological children — her actual children being his age — and she wants to know if wanting kids is going to make him tire of the marriage in the future.
“Every man in the world wants children”
Zied’s line is probably taken a little out of context — but clearly, he doesn’t want to dwell on this, because he loves Rebecca.
Mike Youngquist and Natalie Mordovtseva
They have only 30 days left to get married, and let’s see … they don’t have concrete wedding plans, Natalie doesn’t have an engagement ring, and Mike says that he isn’t sure that he’s in love with her right now. Great job, guys!
Natalie is hurt
Their couples counseling was supposed to help, but instead it brought out truths that neither she nor Mike had faced before this.
Natalie wants therapy for herself
She has a zoom call with a therapist, to whom she shares her concerns — including the belief that Mike cheated on her before, as was brought up at the Tell All. Mike spent the night sleeping on a friend’s couch right before her wedding, and contrary to the plans that they’d had, the woman’s fiance (now husband) was not there.
Natalie feels that this is at the root of many of their issues
Though Mike has categorically denied that he slept with this friend (they’ve never even dated — they were once roommates, and view each other as family), that has never persuaded Natalie … who decides to bring it up with Mike.
Time for another interrogation
Natalie brings up Mike’s non-affair with Sara, while Mike brushes his cat (I LOVE THE CAT).
“You lied to me”
It’s impossible to reason with someone who has already decided that they know what is true and what is false, because the prosecutor is also the jury. That’s Mike’s situation.
Why is Natalie so adamant?
According to Mike, in Ukraine, it’s unusual for men and women to be friends. That sounds like a nightmare, but it’s believable — cultures can vary all over the world, and Ukraine is known to hold to rigid gender roles and divisions (it’s considered improper for men and women to shake hands). As Mike notes, men and women being friends is extremely normal in America.
Natalie is angry
She’s convinced that Mike cheated and is now lying about it.
She wants a confession and apology
Natalie says that if Mike would simply confess to having slept with Sara, and explain how it happened, she would forgive him and they could move on. But if he didn’t sleep with her … how in the world can he do that?
Mike turns the tables
He notes that she has jealousy issues, describing some incidents where the two have gone out to dinner only for her to chastise him outside of the restaurant for being too friendly with a waitress while ordering. This may also be a cultural difference but … that sounds miserable.
Natalie gets weird
Why is it that when they argue, Natalie sometimes turns it into weird insults? From the IQ thing to the “low class” stuff to now, this?
Natalie complains
Mike will never admit to cheating … but instead of taking this as a clue that perhaps he’s telling the truth, she’s convinced that he’s a liar. Here’s the thing: if you can’t believe someone, you can either drop the subject or you can break up. You believe someone, or you don’t believe them and it’s okay, or you don’t believe them and it’s not okay so you break up. There’s no version of relationships where it’s healthy to go “he’s a liar and I’m going to PROVE it!” Trust him or don’t.
Later …
Natalie acknowledges that their relationship is unhealthy.
She acknowledges that she’s insecure
The Gollum jumps out, as Natalie mentions that not having the ring does make her feel uncertain. This is when Mike says that she doesn’t have the ring because he doesn’t feel right about the whole relationship.
Natalie is right
She tells him, hurt after spending two months here, that he shouldn’t have brought her to America if he didn’t want to get married. She’s right about this.