• Pete Doherty used that crackhead strength to amaze the crowd. Must be baby daddy nervousness. [AP]
• But then Doherty proceeded to try and fight the paparazzi. It’s not that we enjoy covering the guy, but he always seems to outdo himself. [NME]
• Busta Rhymes won’t have a weapons charge filed against him. The assault charge? Sticking. [SOHH]
• It’s a good thing George Michael smokes pot. Otherwise, he’d be, y’know, crazy. [Reuters]
• Rhymefest hasn’t sold a million records, but for some reason he’s only rapper intelligent enough to go talk to British politicians. [NME]
• Brooke Hogan‘s album, like everything else in her life, sucks. [AP]
• Some were under the impression all death-metal bands loved and supported one another. Like some kind of cow-sacrificing, evil worshipping, support group. [Idolator]
• Was Alicia Keys arrested? Or maybe she just likes walking like a prisoner. [Media Take Out]
• All this because a lot of people just really wanted to hear some Clay Aiken. [Reuters]
• Okay, so we know that Ryan Seacrest has no life, but why make it more uncomfortable by adding Tyra Banks into the mix? [NYDN]
Since Madonna‘s adoption plans have hit beauraucratic wall, she’s taken to smuggling the child out of the country instead. [AP]
Gerard Way claims that if you’re goth, you can talk about cancer freely and not get in any trouble for it. [NME]
Maybe it’s good to send over a nice, under-the-radar guy like Rhymefest to represent hip-hop abroad. Imagine if they sent DMX? That could only lead to bad news. [All Hip Hop]
We’re not experts on national security or anything but we doubt the guy who wrote “Moonshadow” can be a serious threat. [R&M]
• To the disappointment of 12 people, Usher won’t be performing on Broadway anymore. [People]
• That’s right folks, your wildest dreams have come true: Menudo is returning. Better brush up on your Spanish. And boy band fantasies. [Billboard]
• Excuse us for allowing our music snobbery to surface but: Brandon Flowers isn’t fit to string Green Day‘s guitars. Thank you. [NME]
• Hey Sara Evans, a little piece of advice: guys watch porn. [NYDN]
• Britney Spears‘ apartment, like its soon-to-be former owner, is quickly depreciating in value. [Page Six]
• When you’re only getting six figures for brokering the launch of Beyonce‘s clothing line, you know Mama Knowles is screwing you somewhere. [NYDN]
• Coldplay doesn’t want to be preachy about their political beliefs, they just want to make sure you hear the words “fair trade” over 1,000 times each concert they play. [Jam!]
• With Fall Out Boy doing the soundtrack, it’s apparent the camp factor of Snakes on a Plane is able to increase. [NME]
• Prison inmates are the perfect composers for children sign-a-longs. [SJMN]
• Because we respect people who are weird, musically gifted, and a little crazy (and not named Pete Doherty), we say R.I.P Syd Barret. [Billboard]
• Peddicab drivers get the best of Diddy. [P6]
• It’s hard for us to write this, but there’s a fella whose background disturbs Michael Jackson. [AP]
• We wonder, with all the surgeries and transplants that Keith Richards has gotten, how old is he really? [Mercury News]
• When Michael Jackson sends you to Brazil, you come back with adopted boys or you don’t come back at all. [b97]
• For all he’s done to save the world, Bono still catches flak for investing in a videogame. [Page Six]
• If you’re a fat, out-of-work opera singer, there’s only one answer — gastric bypass surgery. [NYDN]
• Dallas Austin should be voting Republican from now on. [Jam]
• If Justin Timberlake doesn’t change pop music, who will? [Queerty]
• Jennifer Lopez is a vengeful witch with voodoo magic. Just ask Diddy, Cris Judd, and Ojani Noa. [MuchMusic]
• Yes folks, not only is Cher still around, she’s still important enough to stand people up. [P6]
• This is what Eminem has been doing while not making any music whatsoever. [MTV]
• You know what helps a sick Gil Scott Heron feel better? Copious amounts of drugs. [NME]
• In a classic example of waning white superstars helping each other out, Michael Jackson asks Eminem for a collabo. [Hip Hop Game]
• Speaking of Jacko, it must’ve been hard not to laugh while listening to his frantic phone messages. [AP]
• Pink‘s turning her attention to becoming a horror movie actress. That is, she’ll be stepping onto a movie set instead of a sidewalk to scare crowds. [MuchMusic]
• Taylor Hicks is a simple man to please. [AP]
• There’s nothing like near-incarceration in a scary, foreign country to jumpstart your celebrity profile. [NYT]
• Keith Richards will play Johnny Depp‘s drunken dad in the third Pirates movie, joining the ranks of Eminem, RZA, Ice Cube, Snoop Dogg, Beyonce, and endless other artists-cum-actors. [NYDN]
• Breaking: Pete Doherty is capable of love. [AP]
• Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley are racing to the alter like two drunk colleagues on a business trip in Vegas. [Jam!]
• Barbara Streisand needs to book a one-way ticket to Las Vegas, where all other former divas go to. [P6]
• See, nothing good comes out of a trip to Naomi Campbell‘s birthday party. [MTV]
• What cracked out acid-trip led to Cirque du Soleil covering The Beatles? Damn that Yoko Ono! [AP]
• Seriously, this whole washed up rockstar turned radio DJ trend is really sad. [Yahoo]
• We feel like it’s our civil duty to warn the public that DMX is once again free to roam the streets. [AP]
• Although the rest of the band knows that Axl Rose is a huge douche, Guns N’ Roses are still upset with the Swedish police. [NME]
• Break out the champage! Lil’ Kim is being released from prison. She’ll head into 30 days of house arrest, or as we like to call it, another season of her reality show. [Billboard]
• Black Eyed Peas – aka the least intimidating group of rappers since Will Smith – actually got into a brawl. You’ve got no idea what this will do to their street cred. [R&M]
• Pretty much the most bizarre thing we’ve heard all day: President Bush and Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi in Graceland, singing Elvis songs. Nope, no sleep for us tonight. [AP]
• Was Jennifer Lopez‘ wedding video really worth that much? And what about her ex-husband’s tell-all book? [MuchMusic, TMZ]