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• Lydia Hearst-Shaw would much rather prance around in an itsy-bitsy gold bikini than do something totally unfun, like, say, running a newspaper.

• Katie Couric’s lackluster ratings can all be explained by…the “triangle hand” thing.

• Bill Clinton accuses the NYT of hating Hillary. The Times insists they like Hill, but admit they find her “a bit frigid.”

• The LAT hires prankster/producer Brian Grazer, raising two questions. #1: Why? And, #2: How long until Grazer slips a framed picture of himself onto their mantle?

• Meanwhile, former LAT publisher takes a job under Ron Burkle, promises not to make any “more like Ron URKEL” jokes.


• Britney Spears isn’t a productive enough member of society to warrant a free handbag…sniffs half-naked philanthropist Lydia Hearst.

• President Bush isn’t so good with remembering Valentine’s Day. You know what else he’s less than stellar at? Running our country.

• Bill Cosby’s pooch loses out to an English springer spaniel for “Best in Show.” Bitch.

• Kenny Chesney gets excited just thinking about Marisa Miller all the beautiful men Marisa Miller has undoubtedly slept with.

• Really? Paula Abdul has never, ever been drunk? Either way, she’s not our #1 choice for Designated Driver.

• Two little socialites driving to Marquee, the car stopped short, got hit by a taxi. Lydia Hearst bumped her head … should’ve gone to Bed instead. [Page Six]

• If Craft-y chef Tom Collichio had $15 Million, he’d resurrect CBGB. Even though nobody wants him to. [WWD]

Paris Hilton knows everyone thinks she’s a whore, but, really, she’s only slept with a few of her 100 boyfriends. And only made videos with one of them. [Page Six]

• See, it is possible to write for Glamour, even if you’re not also featured as a model on the back cover. [FBNY]

Cindy Adams prefers her 9/11 movies to come a little later and go a little faster. [Cindy Adams]

Lydia Hearst skinny dipping with Damien Fahey? Talk about a summer fling with the boy from the other side of the tracks. [Page Six]

• Breaking news! Lindsay Lohan is not currently consuming alcohol. [R&M]

• Those who invest in “non-profitable, embarrassing” media projects do it for one reason and one reason only: to rub 16-year-old girls down with hot oil, give them vibrators, pay them $1000, and suffer no consequences for it. [Gawker]

• Are Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes planning a wedding in their back yard? Sounds like! Or, maybe they’re just welcoming the aliens who are coming to take back Suri. [Mollygood]

• Great description of Mel Gibson the night of his arrest: “The bleary-eyed star was spotted at celeb-studded Moonshadows restaurant with a babe on each arm and a beer bottle in his right hand late Thursday and into the wee hours Friday.” Front page photo included. [NYP]

The order of events in fashion history, according to the New York Times, goes as such: supermodels replaced regular models, and then celebrities replaced supermodels. And now, they suggest, socialites will replace celebrities. Ok, we can agree that may happen In advertising, perhaps. But the day we see Lydia Hearst on the cover of Glamour just shoot us right then and there.

Among the latest high society elitist to join the ad campaigners of various fashion lines:

Tinsley Mortimer is promoting a Japanese handbag line, Samantha Thavasa; Lydia Hearst-Shaw has appeared in ads for Prada and Louis Vuitton; Amanda Hearst is the new face of Lilly Pulitzer; and Jessica Joffe, a former New York Observer writer who is writing a novel, will appear in fall ads for Banana Republic.

Ouch. Everyone else is doing Prada and LV and Jessica Joffe gets Banana? If only she had chosen to write for Hamptons magazine instead.

Don’t I Know You From the Party Pages? [Eric Wilson, New York Times]