Facebook Confidential: An Obligatory (Second) ‘Status’ Update 38500

Yesterday, we shared the first installment of results from the Facebook survey.

And while we imagine you were relieved to find out which type of profile picture is the absolute loseriest (For the record, it’s “Pretentious hipsters staring off into space with an arts/contemplative stare!”) we think you’ll be even more interested in the responses to our open call for your craziest Facebook related anecdotes.

There were, in fact, so many amazing responses that we’ve spent hours compiling them! (Hours that, should, in retrospect, have been spent “reading the newspaper,” “interviewing potential sources” and “otherwise doing our jobs.”) In the end, it was so hard to pick and choose just a few that we decided to categorize all our favorites into 7 separate—but equally entertaining—groups.

• Creepiest (p2)
• Funniest (p3)
• Best Dating/Relationship Stories (p4)
• Most Shocking (p5)
• Most Shameful (p6)
• Most Relatable (p7)
• Most Random/Weirdest (p8)

The categories’ names, while unimaginative, should be fairly self-explanatory (although we happen to find most of the creepy stories amusing!) but if you are ashamed of something we’ve classified as “relatable,” please don’t allow that to detract from your schadenfreude reading pleasure.

Meanwhile, the best advice we encountered overall? “Always put relatives on limited profile.”

–Compiled by Debbie Newman