With the writer’s strike steadily gaining momentum every passing day, we’re getting increasingly worried about the future of our favorite form of mindless entertainment. Fortunately, nothing short of a full-scale halt in production can stop our favorite curmudgeonly cable pundits! And, as far as Bill O’Reilly, Tucker Carlson and Keith Olbermann are concerned, the show must go on. “Today’s column gets the holiday season rolling,” observes Correspondent Wendy. Because, as she notes, “nothing says ‘Peace on Earth’ quite like cannibalism, bondage, and Vaughniston.”
• ???You know, I???m going to cry. You???re going to make me cry.??? Bill O???Reilly, still visibly shaken over the infamous Jennifer Aniston/Vince Vaughn breakup, The O???Reilly Factor, November 8
• ???If Santa Claus, your brother in the movie, had given out whips and chains to the kids, the Village Voice would have liked it.??? Bill O???Reilly, adopting Michael Musto???s movie rating system, The O???Reilly Factor, November 8
• ???A lot of people thought that contender fight was big last night. They didn???t see you and Geraldo. You guys made that look like two sisters who stole each other???s sweaters.??? Vince Vaughn, equating Geraldo Rivera and Bill O???Reilly???s fights to the Fabio/George Clooney smackdown, The O???Reilly Factor, November 8
• ???Life is imitating ??? art imitating life. We???re all eating each other. Soon we won???t exist, Tucker.??? Bill Wolff, revealing how MSNBC eventually plans to get rid of Tucker Carlson, Tucker, November 8
• ???It would have been great. One sportscaster posing as a NBC pundit demanding the president resign, and a lesbian comedian posing as a NBC pundit who thinks Bush planned 9/11. Sportscasters and comedians outrank experienced news people at NBC News it appears.??? John Gibson, hoping Keith Olbermann and Rosie O???Donnell don???t figure out his not-so-blind item, The Big Story, November 9
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