Britney Is Officially Cleared By Child Welfare Services; Still Considered ‘Highly Suspect’ By The Fashion Police
• Child Welfare Services deems Britney Spears to be a fit mother. Related: Hell freezes over.
• Keira Knightley’s toilet-paper dress falls down, which is strange since you’d think her jutting collarbone would have held it up a little better.
• Meanwhile, Mariah Carey reminds us that a girl can boost her bust the old fashion way: gaining thirty or forty pounds.
• Brad Pitt says he maintains a deep friendship with Jennifer Aniston. In fact, the connection is so deep it’s more of the unspoken/nonexistent kind.
• Amy Winehouse loses the coveted Mercury Prize (Album of the Year) award to musicians who don’t spend their free time freebasing and scratching the fuck out of their husband’s face.
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