Let’s play a game Jossip likes to call “Who’s the Dumbest Person on Television?” We vote for the dude who wants to jet ski in a hurricane, and the whigger who wants to get his ass beat with a frying pan.
Luckily, we have Intern Molly, our special television correspondent, to gather all the freakshows up and put their charming quotes in a Simon Cowell filled Easter basket for you to skip around with.
Or, y’know, just read. The top five are after the jump … and they’re totally worth it. Ryan Seacrest even made us laugh … out loud.
10. “Heaven and hell, earth, power, wind, force, make me listen and my strength will be my source.” ????????Jade, ANTM
9. “Actually, I AM a lesbian, and the fact is I CAN take any one of your girls any day of the week! This is why I hate people.”????????Paula, Real World: Key West
8. “Our food was fly.”????????Stephen (the whitest man ever), Top Chef
7. “She’s looking good from afar, but when we get close she is looking far from good.”????????Adrian proving his wit on 8th & Ocean
6. “I’m not your bitch, bitch.”????????Dave, Top Chef
5. “We’re going to ride jet skis in the hurricane right now if you want to come.”????????John, Real World: Key West
4. “Simon dressed up in a bunny costume and laid eggs in my house on Sunday.”????????Ryan Seacrest, American Idol
3. “To my dismay, I come outside, and I see the girls doing calisthenics together.”????????John, Real World: Key West
2. “Every time I see you we hook up ??????? and I’m like ??????? wasted.”????????Vinci gets honest with Heide, 8th & Ocean
1. “Tonight, I feel like I’m watching for the first time falling in love with the essence of who you are. This reminds me of Mr. Holland’s Opus.”????????Paula Abdul, American Idol