Paris Hilton Makes An Excellent Backseat Driver 38101

Paris Hilton has finally learned how to party like a rock star normal person! After being spotted “chain smoking all night and mixing her own vodka drinks with the bottles on her table” (Self-service? How working class!) Hilton reportedly left Hollywood’s Les Deux and “was overheard telling pals she wasn???t getting behind the wheel.”

Congratulations, Paris! You’ve finally mastered the art of passing out in the backseat of a car at 2am and allowing a hired hand to cart your drunk ass home! Which is so much cheaper (and easier!) than shelling out for those high-priced lawyers, borrowing your mother’s pearls and pretending to brush up on Sun Tzu’s “Art of War” every time you rack up another DUI.

Next up for Paris: Learning how to exit said vehicle in a way that can’t aptly be described as “crotch-first.”