As you’ve no doubt heard by now, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez tied the knot at a drive-through chapel in Las Vegas last weekend.
Now, obviously, these two have had their ups and downs as a couple — what with having broken up for 18 years, and all — but for once, it seemed there was a news story on which Americans were able to reach a consensus:
Affleck and Lopez seem like a perfect match, and for those of us who are old enough to remember their first go-round, there’s a fun little nostalgia component to this thing.
If Ben and Jen can get back to the days of him lotioning up her booty on a yacht in the “Jenny From the Block” video, then perhaps we, as a country, can get back to a time when talk of civil war featured words like “if” rather than “when.”
But of course, we’re not allowed to have nice things in 2022, so it was only a matter of time before the crappier celebrity gossip outlets (as opposed to the glorious sites, like the one you’re reading) started trying to poke holes in the Afflecks’ happiness.
We’re not talking about the coverage of Jennifer Garner’s reaction to the surprise wedding, which is valid.
We’re talking about the dissection of Lopez and Affleck’s marriage licenses for signs of chicanery.
Yes, according to a new report from Page Six, Ben wrote on his application that he and Garner got divorced exactly nine years (to the day!) before he married Lopez.
That’s far from being true, of course.
Affleck and Garner did not file for divorce until 2017, and their split wasn’t finalized until 2018.
So Ben was way, way off, but it was probably just a matter of him picking a random date out of his ass and jotting it down.
These things happen — fortunately, it looks like the mistake will in no way invalidate his marriage to J-Lo.
Whatever the case, Ben and Jen certainly aren’t allowing the clerical error to interfere with their first days as man and wife.
The couple is currently in Paris for what looks to be a sort of impromptu mini-honeymoon.
They’re joined in the City of Light by their kids, and it seems that everyone is having a blast on this first trip as a blended family.
TMZ reports that Ben and Jen were spotted packing on the PDA at the ultra-luxe Le Matignon.
Ben’s teenage daughters reportedly did their best to avert their eyes during the awkward moment.
Yes, Ben might be a multiple Oscar winner who has played freakin’ Batman, but he still embarrasses his daughters in public.
Once you’re over 40, even marrying one of the most famous women on the planet can only earn you so many cool points in the eyes of teens.
And if said teens happen to be your own kids, you might as well stop trying to be anything other than a massive dork in their eyes.
But hey to the rest of the world, Ben and Jen are the epitome of #couplegoals.
It may have taken them quite a while to get to this point, but the important thing is, they made it.