As you've no doubt heard by now, reality star, social media celebrity and cosmetics mogul Kylie Jenner is pregnant with her first child.
Or is that just what the lame-stream media wants you to believe?
Strap on your tinfoil hat, cue the X-Files theme music, and pop some of those herbal boner pills Alex Jones sells on his show, because ...
It's loony tunes conspiracy theory time, folks!
The 20-year-old Kylie has yet to confirm that she's pregnant, but the consensus among fans has been that she's simply waiting for the right time.
You know, in order to ensure maximum publicity, furthering cement her status as a millennial cultural icon. She is Kris Jenner's daughter, after all.
But what if there's a simpler explanation:
What if the young woman who boasts 100 million online fans hasn't confirmed that she's pregnant because she's not actually pregnant?
We know. Your head is reeling, just like the first someone told you that Ted Cruz is both the Zodiac Killer and Lee Harvey Oswald, but hear us out.
We'd like to begin by presenting to you Exhibit A above. Kylie posted this photo on Snapchat, with a caption that reads simply:
It seems innocent enough ... until you realize that the girls are headed straight to the town of Fake Pregnancysburg in the state of Scandals-vania!
Or something. Anyway, look closely at the sundry snacks and assorted foodstuffs that Kylie and her compatriots are purchasing for their trip.
We'll just be over here pausing menacingly with our hands clasped behind our backs like Law & Order prosecutors while you do so.
Notice anything unusual in the upper-right corner, near those incredibly appetizing Black and Mild flavored cigarillos?
That's right: Tampons, an item that's generally not purchased by pregnant women, the last time we checked!
Add that to the fact that Kylie wants us to believe she hasn't gained an ounce in the past two months, and it makes you think.
At least it makes us think that there's sufficient evidence to fuel rumors that the young Ms. Jenner is not with child.
You might be saying to yourself:
"But she clearly stated she's taking a trip with a group of her girlfriends. Maybe the tampons are for someone else."
Or maybe you're thinking:
"Well, or course Kylie doesn't want to admit to gaining any weight. She is a member of the Kardashian-Jenner clan, after all."
And maybe you have a point, skeptical hypothetical reader, because either of those hypotheses could well be proven right.
But we say to you this:
What's more fun to believe: Kylie Jenner actually being pregnant and just keeping an uncharacteristically low profile?
Or that this whole thing is an elaborate charade that's soon to blow up in Kris Jenner's face and bring the entire Kardashian empire crumbling down?
Exactly. Is it not fun to speculate, discuss, wonder and venture a guess? Especially after the star herself posts such a clue?
We're following the first rule of celebrity gossip here, folks:
Drama is always more important than facts.
And with that, we rest our case.
* Law & Order sound *