You might think starring in a basic cable legal drama is the height of human experience, but you, easily satisfied reader, would be dead wrong.
The best thing a person can do is become royalty, and that's an objective fact, so you can just take your BS about helping others and leading a fulfilling life of service elsewhere!
Now, earning a royal title is no easy feat for Americans, but it's been done.
We've had Grace Kelly, Prince, King of Pop Michael Jackson, and now, Suits actress Meghan Markle may soon join the ranks of the gilded elite.
In case you haven't heard due to your busy schedule of charitable deeds, Meghan is dating Prince Harry.
And unlike the contestants on what's arguably the most ill-conceived reality show in history, she may soon get the chance to marry Harry.
Rumors of Meghan and Harry getting engaged have been circulating pretty much from the time they started dating, but these days it really seems like an announcement is imminent.
Harry and Meghan traveled to Africa earlier this month in celebration of her 36th birthday.
Many anticipated that Harry would propose on the trip, but she arrived back in the UK ringless last week.
But despite the prominent lack of bling, Meghan and Harry might still be walking down the aisle in the very near future.
Sources say the couple has been spending time together in London recently, and they seem to have an agenda.
According to a report from E! News, Harry is planning on introducing Meghan to his grandmother, Queen Elizabeth II, sometime in the next week.
"It's, of course, very serious and both Harry and Meghan are focused on the future," a source tells the outlet.
"Engagement talk isn't just between the two of them, even some of Harry's closest aides are quietly expecting news before the end of the year."
Yeah, this isn't like when you proposed over the build your own sampler platter at Applebee's.
(Hey, a life of good works won't make you rich!)
Royals follow a unique protocol, and tradition dictates that Harry get the permission of a whole bunch of people before he gets down on one knee.
Of course, the Queen's approval is of particular importance, so Meghan is likely feeling the pressure these days.
Fortunately, Meghan's years of portraying Suits Suiterson have likely taught her a thing or two about remaining cool under stress.
She might not be teaching Slovenian orphans conversational English, but she's doing just fine for herself, you smug SOB!