Tila Tequila: Michelle Obama Is a Man & I Control the Universe!

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If you were hoping that 2017 would be a year without Tila Tequila, we regret to inform you that the former MySpace celebrity (yes, she's been around that long) is still posting absolutely batsh-t rants on social media, and they're simply too insane to ignore.

Tila is a Trump supporter (because of course she is) and these days her psychotic ramblings have taken on a political slant.

And just what kind of alt-right nonsense is Tila currently spewing?

Tila Tequila smiling

Well, she's going above and beyond the usual lunacy of the Pepe the Racist Frog crowd, which is no easy feat.

Tila's psychosis seems to come in spurts, and her current frenzy began on Christmas Day, when she posted this almost-too-bonkers-to-believe tirade on her Facebook page:

"It’s almost 2017 and for those of you who are still complaining about Donald Trump you fail to realize that you are no longer living in the same reality that you once knew.

We have merged into an alternate timeline now in an alternate Universe! The truth is stranger than fiction and in this alternative universe sh!t is gonna keep getting weirder so you might as well let go of your previous attachments now.

Tila Tequila Snaps Selfie

Next up is time traveling and teleporting. If you are still confused about it all then do not worry for I am the navigator of this Universe! Remember “Teela” in ‘Masters of the Universe?”

Well, that was me! I’ve been hacking timelines and named a cartoon based on myself. Seriously."

Tila took to the comments to show off her Vladimir Putin impression, adding, “Donald Trump is my puppet."

And it seems it's not just world leaders who are under Tila's control, but also birds. Yes, birds:


"I’ve uncovered a new skill that I have! Yesterday I saw a huge falcon and I was able to control the way it was flying by motioning it with my arms!" Tila recently wrote, seemingly without irony.

"Today I started doing it again and not only did I have all the Ravens follow me but I was able to tell them to go and get more and a huge flock came over! It was so f**king badass! I’m becoming more powerful by the day! #BadassB!tch"

On Saturday, Tila turned her attention back to controlling humanity, declaring that she would manipulate the of the New England Patriots-Houston Texans game in the Texans favor.

New England won the game 34-16, which is making us question wonder if Tila has overstated her powers.

Tila Tequila Instagram Picture

But that very public setback didn't keep Tila down for long, and she bounced back with some of her finest lunacy to date, this time adding a little transphobic hate speech into the mix:

"How many of you have cartoon characters literally named after you? I do because I am obviously the master of the Universe! I time travelled back here to fix where you all f**ked up!

"I hacked it so Trump would win since Obama was the anti-Christ! He fooled you all with his charm and his man of a “wife” Michael aka Michelle Obama!

Tila Tequila in Red

"You all cheer on a F--king TRANNY as your 1st lady! Time to make all the wrongs right again! Sick of this sh!t! #AllHailTheQueen"

Tila also informed her fans that she's currently on vacation in Jamaica, which is surprising, as not only has she been unemployable for the better part of a decade, she recently launched a Kickstarter in which she begged for rent money.

Just another day in the life of everyone's favorite Nazi cyborg alien.

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Tila Tequila Biography

Tila Tequila Picture
Tila Tequila got famous via MySpace and used this fame pose for Playboy and Penthouse. She's also starred in the aptly named MTV reality... More »
Full Name
Tila Tequila

Tila Tequila Quotes

They are much hotter this time. Before season 1, I didn't know that I would be into the dikish kind of girls. I thought I was only into lipstick lesbians. But the show actually helped me open up and I realized that I do like the butchy girls a lot.

Tila Tequila [on season two contestants]

I think nerdy stuff is sexy. I like to watch the History Channel and learn about the universe, quantum physics and stuff like that.

Tila Tequila