Here she is, folks: Miss America 2017.
Hosted by Sage Steel and Chris Harrison, this year’s edition of this seemingly sexist and ridiculous event featured the following judges:
Gabby Douglas, Ciara, Cole Swindell, Sara Foster, Laura Marana, Sharlene Wells Hawkes and Mark Cuban.
It also featured 52 competitors from around the nation, although that number was quickly whittled down to 15 once 37 women were cut nearly as soon as the Miss America Pageant kicked off.
In order to not seem as sexist and ridiculous, the swimsuit portion of the competition was renamed “Fitness and Swimsuit” this year, with the contestants once again walking the stage in heels and bikinis.
Then there was the evening gown segment, which was followed by the talent portion.
It included baton twirling, tap dancing and a lot of mediocre singing.
Finally, we arrived at the interviews, a portion of the pageant highlighted by the following answer to one person's thoughts on Hillary Clinton:
“If you’re trying to be leader of the free world, everything you do and say matters. … It’s hard to tell what is truth and what is truly scandal, but both of these candidates have done a great job.”
Must we once again ask WHY ON EARTH, in a country that now has a woman running for President, that such a thing as the Miss America Pageant exists?
Because here's the best part:
The woman who uttered those nonsensical words actually won!
Yup. It's time to congratulate Savvy Shields of Arkansas!
A 21-year old native of Fayetteville, Shields takes over the sash from Miss America 2016 Betty Cantrell.
She performed a jazz dance as her talent and said she will now return to the University of Arkansas as a senior studying art.
"I want to hopefully work in a museum and teach at a collegiate level,” Shields said about her plans for the future.
Her pageant tagline was "eat better, live better."
During a press conference after the victory, the bubbly blonde thanked her family and fans an then used a question about her weird Clinton response to expand on her views about America's political climate.
"Our country was founded on compromise," she said. "I really think we're in a state now where both parties seem to just be yelling at each other.
"I hope that by the end of my year, we're starting to reward politicians on compromising instead of just defending themselves."
Sure, whatever. Sounds nice and profound to is.
But as long as Shields actually holds on to her crown for a year, she can consider her reign a success.