ABC's Emmy-winning comedy Modern Family is like an elderly relative that no one is quite sure what to do with.
It's well past its prime but it's not quite ready to be put out to pasture.
It'll probably linger on for a few more years while nervous network execs have hushed conversations about what to do with its syndication rights after it's gone.
At this point, it seems the only thing everyone can agree on is this:
The show should really not be trusted to spend any time in the presence of recently-developed curvaceous teens.
Yes, according to Star magazine (we know), breakout star Ariel Winter may soon be fired from the series that made her famous.
In fact, the tabloid claims the decision has already been made, and Winter just hasn't been informed yet.
And why would the show axe one of its biggest stars just as she's amassing millions of Instagram followers and becoming a household name (albeit only to a certain segment of the Internet perv population)?
Well, they wouldn't, but let's play along with Star.
If you're willing to pretend there's something to this rumor, according to "insiders," the show's central cast members want raises.
Ones that presumably aren't small amounts.
Sofia Vergara, Ed O'Neil and Julie Bowen all want the network to cough up major cash, and the only way to boost the production budget that much is to get rid of the some of their less important co-stars.
“To renew deals for the ‘big three,’ some of the younger actors will be shuffled or cut entirely,” says the source.
"Ariel isn’t central to the show, so she’s at the top of the chopping block."
"She’ll be sad to leave - the cast is a second family to her - but she’s also very excited for the next opportunity.”
And yet, with her calendar free, Winter is “angling for her own show.”
We laugh at this rumor (because it's dumb), but if we were to play devil's advocate for a moment, we'd point out that Winter is attending UCLA in the fall and has talked about appearing on the show less frequently in the coming years.
As for the "angling for her own show" part, aside from the fact that this same report claimed she didn't know about her own firing yet (right?) we suppose we could see that happening.
It could be about ... a girl with giant boobs who has to make a new life for herself and her giant boobs after she gets fired from a long-running sitcom.
Now, there's an elevator pitch!