The Real Housewives of New York City Season 8 Episode 1 Recap: Spread the News!

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They're back, baby! On The Real Housewives of New York City Season 8 Episode 1, we caught up with our favorite group of winos.

Er, New Yorkers. What did the new season opener have in store?

If you watch The Real Housewives of New York City online, you'll be in for some developments you never saw coming on the series.

Conversely, some plot points were utterly predictable.

While there were no drunken explosions erupting just yet, remember this is the premiere, and there are 20 more installments to go.

Bethenny Frankel and Ramona Singer are both single and ready to mingle, though the former sees their approaches as a bit different.

"She's got some new titties," Bethenny said of Ramona.

"She's got some new clothes. It's hunting season."

When Bethenny claimed she hadn't had sex "in a long time," Ramona asked if she meant a whole month. If only she were so lucky.

"When you're in your 40s, dating is much more difficult," Frankel said. "I don't want anyone in my bed because then I have to get them out."

"And I have no interest in sleeping somewhere else."

"When you're 20, you don't care about having your underwear in a brown paper bag and running across town in a taxi," she added.

"Now I don't want someone past my doorman."

That does make it tough. As for Sonja Morgan, Ramona says she drinks too much and is "too frisky" with men to even hang out with anymore.

Bethenny feels the same way about Dorinda Medley, saying she turned into "crazy late-night mercurial" Dorinda when she is with John.

Spoiler alert: No one likes John much. At all.

Discussing the "natural progression" of her daughter moving out and John moving, Dorinda seemed to be trying to convince herself it's okay.

More resignation than enthusiasm, in other words.

Carole Radziwill, meanwhile, and her boyfriend Adam are still going strong, even though he's about to embark on a solo trip to Ethiopia.

The emotional high (low?) point of the episode was a group brunch in which Bethenny brought up a story in which Dorinda was wasted.

She was not amused, saying that what happens in the Hamptons, stays in the Hamptons, blah blah blah. John, for his part, was just ...

Guy is just annoying to people, it appears.

Fortunately, for him at least, newcomer Jules Wainstein became the target of gossip as Bethenny observed that she is far too skinny.

"She looks like a really thin girl ... like, she looks like there is an issue," Bethenny opined. "I wrote a book called naturally thin."

"This is not naturally thin. It's the kind of thin that makes people around you uncomfortable," she added to the Bravo cameras.

"I never had an eating disorder. I had a mother who had an eating disorder, and I've been around it, and I understand it."

Jules didn't hear or react to this. Yet.

Give it time, though. They are totally setting up a 17-episode she-said, she-said, she-said, she-said, she-said, she-said arc.

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