You’re not gonna believe this, but part one of this week’s Bachelor in Paradise proved to be every bit as absurd and dramatic as the first.
The roles are now reversed, with two new male contestants rolling in and the girls holding the power over who gets a roses and who does not.
Also, Lauren began Bachelor in Paradise Season 2 Episode 3 by declaring she is "kind of" someone’s "mistress" back home. Okay then.
"She’s the chilliest girlfriend you can ever have. I mean, obviously – she lets a guy have another girlfriend," Ashley I., her sister, added.
"I love being a mistress," Lauren added. "I can’t be around people this much." So she up and left, ending the two-for-one sibling twist.
Joshua, from Kaitlyn’s season, arrived and soon bragged about all the times he’s done Molly (a.k.a. MDMA). Tenley was not thrilled.
Watching JJ – Tenley’s other romantic interest – going off about how little impact Joshua would have made for great sound bites, like:
"There’s a reason that Josh doesn’t have sex that often, and there’s a reason that I’m probably a little more successful on that front."
Or, even better, "giving Josh the date card is like putting a grenade in a dude with no arms’ mouth." Who even says/thinks that?
The second guy to arrive was Joe, who proceeded to go on a date and con Juelia into thinking he was not a terrible human being.
"She’s not very smart, is she?" he said, noting that Jules "wasn’t good" at kissing and he only did it to get a rose and stay on the show.
In order to woo Samantha, ideally. Dude also cut probably the nastiest fart ever in reality TV history, which is saying quite a lot.
Finally, you’ll want to watch Bachelor in Paradise online to see the Jared-Ashley I.-Clare-Mikey love quadrilateral implode epically:
- Jared, who has been pursued by Ashley I., received a date card and invited Clare Crawley to join him instead;
- Clare, who has been pursued by Mikey, accepted the date and the emotional dominoes quickly began to fall;
- Ashley began sobbing hysterically;
- Mikey began screaming at Clare;
- Clare screamed and cried back.
To be continued … tonight when previews show Jared and Clare getting close! How bad will Ashley freak out this time? Stay tuned!