The Academy Awards will be held at the Dolby Theater in Los Angeles this Sunday, and for the first time in a long time, the annual Hollywood circle jerk might be of some interest to the average moviegoer.
Not only did films like American Sniper, Selma and Boyhood resonate with a wide variety of viewers (and, in the case of Sniper, pull in some mind-blowing box office bucks), the 2015 Oscar snubs will likely be discussed for years to come.
The cast of Selma was shut out entirely and for the first time since 2000, not a single minority is up for an acting trophy.
Problematic stuff, given the strength of the performances turned in by David Oyelowo, Takamasa Ishihara, and numerous other non-white actors this year.
Of course, the Academy is a shadowy organization and voting is done in secret (presumably under cloak of darkness), so no one will ever be forced to answer for this year's oddly skewed nominations. (Or the fact that Crash beat Brokeback in '06. Dafuq was that?!)
Even so, one brave soul was willing to come forward (anonymously) to speak to the The Hollywood Reporter and provide some insight into just how wildly out of touch your average Oscar voter really is.
"I'm tired of all this talk about 'snubs,'" says the "longtime female Academy member" who we'll just call Dolores Dumdum. "No one wants to say out loud that Selma is a well-crafted movie, but there's no art to it."
"As far as the accusations about the Academy being racist? Yes, most members are white males, but they are not in the cast of Deliverance...they're not cretinous, snaggletoothed hillbillies.
There you go. Hollywood: Not Racist. You heard it here first. Just don't expect to see any cretinous hillbillies to be nominated in the near future.
So what did Dolores like this year, other than prune juice? Well, she dug Boyhood...kinda:
"If you had told me when I saw Boyhood that it would win best I would have told you you were insane. It was ambitious, but the kid was uneven and Patricia Arquette was probably sorry she let them film her age over 12 years."
That said, Dolores voted for Arquette for best actress because she gets "bonus points for having no work done during the 12 years." Seriously.
The whole interview is filled with curmudgeonly gems and definitely worth a read, but in case you don't have time, here's a quick rundown:
- American Sniper should win because it made a lot of money.
- Birdman gave her a headache.
- Foxcatcher didn't have enough words in it. (Seriously.)
Check out the full list of 2015 Oscar nominees and then get together with your friends and vote on your favorites. Seriously, form your own Academy, because the one we have is obviously deeply effed.