The Bachelor Season 19 Episode 1 Recap: Me So Corny

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The Bachelor Season 19 Episode 1 re-introduced us to Chris Soules and kicked off his "journey" for Mrs. Right with an epic, THREE-hour premiere last night.

Coming in, Prince Farming is one of the most popular contestants in franchise history, following his acclaimed stint on Andi Dorfman's season of The Bachelorette.

One can only expect that seeing him in the starring role will greatly please card carrying members of Bachelor Nation, and keep fans glued to their screens.

Then again, Juan Pablo was popular on The Bachelorette too, so ...

Anyway, if you want to know who supposedly gets Chris' final rose 2-3 months in advance (and we know you do), follow the link for The Bachelor spoilers.

In any case, proceed for our recap of the 19th season premiere!

Corny

Predictably, The Bachelor Season 19 Episode 1 kicked off with a hay bale, farm montages and publicity shots, plus Chris looking up in awe at L.A. buildings.

“Love is a lot like farming … plant a seed, hope it grows, sometimes the weather isn’t on your side, but with luck something beautiful can come from it.”

Boy, it's going to be a long season of farm-related corniness.

Chris Harrison gushed that this season “will be unlike anything we have ever seen before," which even he knows he says every year. But consider:

“We’ve got a virgin who spends the night in the fantasy suite, a wholesome young girl with an X-rated past and two widows hoping for a second chance.”

That is quite a lot to take in. Good thing we had a THREE-hour LIVE premiere with which to do it, and an actual red carpet leading all the "stars" in.

From past seasons, that is. Chris' predecessor, Juan Pablo Galavis, was obviously not invited, but his ex-girlfriend and final rose winner Nikki Ferrell was.

Ferrell says that she’s “doing really great, I’m really happy” and that Juan Pablo is not the jackass he appeared on the show ... but they're not together.

“It’s not from a lack of trying on either side,” she said. “I tried really hard and he tried, too. At the end of the day we gave it a go, but we’re just two different people.”

As nicely as she could've put it, for sure.

Back to Chris Soules, he had a record 30 girls to choose from on the premiere, and the winner of the “First Impression Rose” was L.A. waitress Britt.

The girl's got spunk, we give her that.

“She speaks to my heart,” Soules gushed after full-on making out with her on the premiere, which may be a record and a bit of a surprise from Chris.

He also gave a rose to Jade, a 28-year-old cosmetics developer from L.A. and a Nebraska native who posed for Playboy under the name Jade Elizabeth.

Across the country, every guy forced to watch The Bachelor online by his significant other is racing over to Google to see if we are correct. We are.

There were so many other memorable exchanges with the girls, and just so many girls in general, it's hard to get a read on many more of the favorites.

Again, follow the above link for The Bachelor spoilers if you really want to know. But receiving a rose tonight and sticking around for this love journey will be:

Britt, Kaitlyn, Jade, Samantha, Ashley I., Tandra, Nikki, Kelsey, Megan, Alissa, Amber, Juelia, Becca, Trina, Mackenzie, Tracy and ... wait, hold up now.

Tara is friggin' WASTED at the rose ceremony, prompting Chris and his namesake to kill time and decide if she deserves another chance. She gets it!

Tara, Jordan, Jillian, Whitney, Carly and Ashley S. get roses. It's the end of the road for a record eight of the women on night one, and it's a sad one.

Reegan, Brittany, Michelle, Amanda, Bo, Kara, Kimberly, and Nicole are done ... at least we think Kimberly is. Cue the forced cliffhanger of the week!

She said at the end that it "wasn’t right" that Soules sent her home, then rushed back into the mansion and pulled Soules away from his champagne.

“Can I steal you for a second?” Kimberly asked him.

Fade to black. Can you HANDLE the suspense?!

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The Bachelor Quotes

There’s still a lot of growing to do in our relationship. We will not tie the knot until I am mentally and physically prepared as well as Matt.

Shayne Lamas

It was a fairytale proposal like I’ve always dreamed about. I forgot that there [were] cameras around. In that moment, it was just Matt and I and it was the most amazing moment of my entire life.

Shayne Lamas [on proposal by Matt Grant]