Kim Kardashian welcome to North West on Sunday's Keeping Up with the Kardashians, but those looking for an all-access ticket to her birth were let down.
To be sure, a great deal of drama surrounded Kim’s delivery as the reality star gave birth five weeks early after finding out she was suffering from toxemia.
“Basically, I have to deliver the baby right now,” said a surprisingly calm Kim to Khloe, though momager Kris freaked. How did it all play out on TV and life?
Check out our Keeping Up With the Kardashians recap below!
Weirdly, or maybe not weirdly considering who we're dealing with, it was Kris Jenner who gave the green light for the girls to go to the hospital. Minus 100.
There, Khloe filmed Kim on her phone. “I’m excited to meet you,” Kim said to her future offspring, noting that “daddy” Kanye West was on his way.
Unlike Kourtney Kardashian pulling out her baby in all its glory, there was zero footage of Kim. They cut to Khloe telling Bruce that the baby arrived.
We get that a person might not want that process filmed. For sure. But that's the entire nature of these human beings' lives, so ... WEAK. Minus 4,900.
The baby’s arrival left Kris panicking to get their home ready, and it was far from set up as they weren't expecting North West for at least a month.
“My kids have weddings in nine days and babies five weeks early,” said Kris (referring to Khloe and Lamar). “They’re going to give me a heart attack.”
Hopefully this also doesn't end with ... well, you know.
North suffered from a little jaundice and had to spend the night in an incubator, but beyond that, Kim and her “cantaloupes” were calm and healthy. Plus 1,000.
The family prepped Kim's placenta pills and umbilical cord, while getting shots to prevent whooping cough and talking about Kim's boobs some more. Plus 500.
Khloe says, “Honestly, I’ve never seen boobs like that in real life ever,” while Kim notes that her vagina “looks better than before.” Wonder if Ray J would agree.
As for the actual act of giving birth? “Labor was honestly the easiest thing ever,” revealed Kim, adding, “And then just staring at her, I’m like ‘Oh my god.'"
"Everything that they say happens ... that you fall in love and it’s this deep connection ... is true.” The most honest words ever spoken by Kim. Plus 1,500.
Kim also addressed Kanye’s preference that North not appear on the show.
“I signed on to do this, but it doesn’t mean Kanye and my child have signed on, and I’m fine with keeping them more private,” said the reality star.
She “still an open book,” though, and wants to pose for Playboy. “I just want to come out to the world like, ‘I am back and I’m so hot. You all called me a whale!’”
Good priorities, Kim. Way to go. Minus 2,000. Although if it means Kim Kardashian nude in Playboy again, give it a Plus 1,000 because we'd check it out.
You seen that selfie she posted before she got engaged? Just saying.
Elsewhere, Khloe made a “friend” with a random transvestite working the L.A. streets, who deemed himself a “crack baby,” and volunteered at a women's center.
Plus 750 for that serious and unexpectedly uplifting side storyline.
Bruce, meanwhile, was excited about his own growing friendship with comedian Jeff Dunham. Even if Bruce proved to be bad at keeping in touch.
“This whole male bonding thing I don’t understand!” said Bruce Jenner.
“It's nice to have a friend outside of the family” with shared interests.
Brody would agree with that Bruce. Amen. Plus 250.
EPISODE TOTAL: -2,000. SEASON TOTAL: -9,051.