The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: The Spray-On Hair Debacle

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The Real Housewives of New Jersey gives us "Scum One, Scum All" as the team builders run for cover. We recap all the therapy and mysterious black tar in our THG +/- review.

We pick up right where we left off with Joe Gorga calling sister Teresa Giudice scum. Minus 20. That really was out of line.

Sexy Time

Then Tre runs out to Juicy Joe who storms in looking for a fight but before he gets halfway there, Gorga charges him like a bull in a pasture.

Minus 30 because I can't tell what there's more of in that room, testosterone or stupidity.

Suddenly odd things start happening. Teresa runs out to call the cops. Do you really call the police on your own family?

Melissa, Richie, and Kathy all jump in to the fray to try to pull these two idiots apart while Joe Gorga doesn't just hit below the belt, he bites! Plus 16 because you just can't make this stuff up.

When they finally break apart the first thing Melissa does is run to Joe Gorga and put on his hat. That was weird, even for this crowd.

Even weirder is the black gunk that's everywhere…Juicy Joe's face, Richie's sweater. It's as though they've all been tagged.

Could it be Melissa's mascara? Teresa's eye-liner?  Oh no. It's even scarier than that.

It's Joe Gorga's spray on hair!  

Plus 37 just because I can't stop laughing.  All of the money these fools are making on this show and he's buying cheap spray-on hair? That's priceless.

Everyone storms off to their rooms. They all threaten to leave but no one actually does…except perhaps the team builders. They were never seen or heard from again. I guess the Middle East didn't prepare Steve for Jersey after all.

Richie and Rosie try to mend fences between the warring parties. Joe Gorga spends the evening in tears. And Juicy and Teresa destress by sharing a bath.

Minus 50.  It's going to take a while to scrub the gory details of Joe and Teresa's "sexy time" from my brain.  And the last thing I need to know is how Joe likes it rough and Tre doesn't.

Plus there isn't a tip big enough to compensate that room service waiter who served them in the bathroom. Talk about taking full service to the extreme.

The next day Dr. V, a "relationship expert" shows up. I rolled my eyes when the skinny little blonde with the too red lipstick walked in but surprisingly she seemed to know her stuff. Plus 12.

In no time she had Teresa and her brother sharing a couch and crying their eyes out. I hope she brought tissues.

In another odd turn of events, Caroline shows up…because Teresa called her for help.  Not really sure how Caroline can make any of this better, but what's one more guest at the table.

Maybe Dr. V can help. Deep down I think Teresa and her brother want to reconcile and I honestly don't think Juicy Joe cares much one way or the other.

But Melissa's going to be an issue and as much as I think she causes many of her own problems it's a little hard to blame her. Teresa's been behind rumors that she was a cheater and a stripper, plus she let Juicy ruin Joe Gorga's spray on hair.  Minus 10. That's a little hard to get past.  

So do you think that the sister-in-laws will ever realize that all they really have to do is be civil to one another at holidays like everyone else and let the kids have play dates and life would be good?

Nah…that'd be too easy.

Episode total = -45!                   Season total = 382!

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