The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Opie Gets Eaten Alive

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Ugly fights are a standard on The Real Housewives of New Jersey but "When Joes Collide" might just deliver the knock out punch. We recap why everyone should just retreat in our THG +/- review.

The Gorgas, Giudices, and Wakiles head to upstate New York for a team building / conflict resolution retreat. What could possibly go wrong?

On Her Knees

Yes folks, that's a joke, because this thing never even stood a chance. But let's start with who bailed before it even got started.

Plus 25 to Caroline Manzo and Jaqueline Laurita who knew a bad idea when they heard it.

Caroline was too busy walking bridges with her hubby who knew he couldn't retire yet. His wife and grown kids still need him for "financial backup." In other words they need him to pay for pretty much everything.  Minus 10.

What was up with Caroline's boots? I kind of liked them but how many shots did we need of her boots. With that much air time they should have shown a link to buy them across the bottom of the screen.

Jacqueline chose to go because she was busy with her son and her dog was pooping on the deck and basically she hates Teresa and has no interest in rebuilding this team.  Plus 15. One less person screeching was a good thing.

But the rest of the group was going with the best of intentions, right? Ha! Not even close. Minus 33. This group was slinging insults before they even set eyes on one another.

Melissa called Teresa a "happy witch" and said Joe Guidice was "a cheater and an a**hole."  Plus 9 because I can't really argue with the latter.

Especially when Juicy Joe started giving us his views on autism. "A lot of people have autism. Autism isn't really a bad disease.  Some of them are like scientists." Minus 22. Some say ignorance is bliss. I say it's frightening.

Just when things couldn't get any more awkward the team builders arrived and Melissa read my mind, "I don't think Opie and little Miss Sunshine are equipped for this group."

Plus 13. I couldn't help but laugh when they walked in. Steve may have worked in the Middle East but he didn't look like he'd ever set foot in Jersey. Stevie and Stephanie were about to get eaten alive.

So first they worked on a poor man's version of Twister which had Joe Gorga groping his wife's ass. Minus 27. I didn't know that team building exercises included getting felt up.

Things deteriorated quickly from there. Talking turned to yelling and screaming and suddenly Melissa's on her knees.

The jokes for that one are just too easy.

Teresa couldn't figure out why everyone thought she needed to apologize for anything as this whole mess with her brother and Melissa was all Jacqueline's fault. Minus 15. No wonder she was so upset Jacqueline didn't show.

Before you knew it Teresa was telling her brother to grow a pair and stick with his family and he shot back, "I'm not sticking with scum like you."

Minus 20. Apparently Juicy Joe isn't the only one allowed to call Teresa nasty names.

And where did Steve and Stephanie go? Probably handing the check back and driving away from this debacle as fast as they can.

As soon as Teresa ran to her hubby for backup we knew the much publicized scene was upon us. The Joes collided as Giudice stormed in the door and Gorga physically charged him.

As Kathy said in the beginning, "Nobody's going to leave until we get this resolved or we die trying." Minus 35. It looks like the odds are much better on an ambulance being called over any type of resolution.

Maybe they all just should have retreated.

So who was at fault? Joe Guidice? Joe Gorga? Or Teresa for pulling them all together in the first place?

Episode total = -100!                                  Season total = -337!

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