The Real Housewives of Miami Recap: Text, Lies, and Your Smile Is Fake

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The Real Housewives of Miami are back with "Text, Lies, and Your Smile Is Fake." We recap the odd confrontations, commitment issues, and pirate ships in THG's +/- review.

Well, fake smiles hardly seem like an issue when so many other body parts are fake on the Housewives of Miami but we'll skip over that and head right to our update.

Elsa survived her collapse at the Food and Wine festival.  She was sent home from the hospital with a clean bill of health.  Plus 7.  Her only concern was whether she looked like a lady when she hit the floor.

Lisa & Lenny

Adriana drops in for a visit and Elsa gives her an opinion on her relationship with Frederic.  Frederic loves her more than she loves him and Adriana's still so scarred from her first marriage that she's not ready to get married.

Plus 10 because whether it's her psychic abilities or old fashioned common sense, Elsa is spot on.

Elsa's advice however leaves something to be desired.  She tells Adriana to put her head on the right pillow and that's the one that's full of money.  Minus 8.  Money helps but it won't keep you from getting your heart crushed.

Later Frederic tells her he wants to marry her now but he's willing to wait. He really seems to love her. Adriana says she wants to wait until the boat is finished. 

Minus 10 because I don't think she'll ever move onto the boat.  Not enough closet space and at some point, Frederic may get tired of waiting. 

Lisa goes yacht accessory shopping with Frederic and Adriana.  She thinks Frederic's antique yacht is the equivalent of a pirate ship.  Plus 9.  I'm not sure she's wrong.

Lisa has her own issues.  Lenny's got an office full of sexy photos of women baring their breasts.  Of course he is the Boob God of plastic surgeons so perhaps he has an excuse.

To counter the well endowed photos, Lisa puts up their wedding picture.  Minus 8.  Good luck with that. It's just one more buxom photo to the mix.

Over at Joanna's, Marta and Romain are getting a little too close for comfort.  Especially once Marta walks in on Romain about to take a shower.  Hearing Marta's detailed description of Romain's "nasty penis,"  Minus 20  No one needs to hear that.

Marta needs to get out of their home and give Romain and Joanna some time alone. 

Joanna's pushing for a wedding date but she doesn't sound all that convinced.  Romain sounds ticked that Joanna's kept him waiting for five years.  Minus 10.  I'm no Elsa but I don't predict a happy ending for this couple.

Where some couples can't get together, others have trouble calling it quits.  Ana and her husband have been separated for over two years.  It's time to sign the papers and move on.  Minus 8. Ana can't seem to let go.

But Ana's got other issues.  I can't believe Adriana dragged Karent over to talk to Ana about the texts. Shouldn't that have been Ana or Karent's choice. Minus 12 for just increasing the drama.

Really, does anyone think Rodolfo's faithful to Karent, except maybe Karent?  If Ana wants to avoid any further trouble then perhaps she should block Rodolfo's number and end all of this nonsense. 

Then again, what fun would that be?


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Joanna Krupa Biography

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Joanna Krupa is an extremely good looking model. She doesn't like to wear fur, or much of any clothing for the most part. Thank goodness... More »
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Joanna Krupa