Just when you thought Kourtney & Kim Take New York could not get any more insulting to your intelligence ... meet celebrity medium John Edward, everyone!
Sunday night, Kim really wanted to find some closure regarding the death of her father, and convinced her sis to join her in what was a "moving" experience.
The idea that this BS isn't scripted is about as believable as O.J. fathering Khloe Kardashian. A psychic? Really? At least come up with quasi-realistic plots, E!
Anyway. Here's our weekly rekap, THG style!
Kris' sister, Kaela Humphries, is in town. Yes, Kris and Kaela. The names may have been the only reason E! kast Kris as Kim's husband initially. Plus 10.
Kim doesn't want Kaela to suspect anything's wrong. Plus 10. Kim's default expression is about as interesting as watching paint dry, so no issues there.
Oh, but wouldn't you know it, Kim feels like she needs guidance from her late father Robert Kardashian! And feels a psychic can contact him!! Minus 700.
Enter John Edward, who totally gets invaluable free advertising for this ridiculous stunt. Even the job description of "Celebrity Medium" is LOL-worthy.
"There's a lot that I've been going through, like emotionally and mentally, that I really think that I'll find comfort in connecting with my dad again." Minus 25 for a terrible job reading cue cards and attempting to sound spontaneous, Kim.
Kris thinks the idea is stupid. This is because Kris, for all his faults, is likely a real human being who does not believe every moment of one's life should be scripted, utterly humiliating nonsense. Plus 15, then Plus 10 more for storming out on her."There are definitely things that John Edward is saying that no one can possibly know," Kourtney says. Unless producers told him up front. Minus 20.
Edward asks if one of them is pregnant. Kourtney recently announced she is pregnant again with her second child. Dude totally called the fact that Scott Disick does not use condoms! Talk about clairvoyance! Plus 40.
After questions about her previous divorce (with Damon Thomas) hit a little close to home, Kim breaks down to her sister. Wahhh. It's hard being Kim!! Minus 60.
"I honestly feel like I can't do this anymore with Kris," Kim cries. "I don't want to be married anymore." Anymore? It's been like a month at this stage. Minus 100.
Really Kim? How would anyone be sympathetic toward your motives or values, or buy this "moment of clarity" for more than two seconds. Minus 100 more.
Minus 50 more for Kim being famous at all. She does nothing.
But Plus 500 right off the bat for the existence of Scott Disick.
Yes, the guy is probably a huge tool in real life. But his plot lines and comments on KKTNY are getting so ridiculous, you can't even try to take them seriously anymore - a breath of fresh air almost from boring Kim and her fake feelings.
This week's "story"? Scott pushes for the couple to go and get a portrait done of their family. Plus 75, because we can actually see that narcissist wanting one.
To get around Kourtney's aversion to photos, Scott asks for it to be painted. "It really makes me feel good," Scott says of Kourt agreeing. Aww you guys! Plus 10.
Plus 10 more because he likely says the same thing about all the unprotected sex she lets him have without proposing to her. Keep it klassy Kourt!
Scott gathes everyone to unveil the painting, which just so happens to feature Scott with unibrow, thanks to Kourt kollaborating with the painter on a little prank. Minus 35 because if they sat for a portrait, he'd have seen it.
"That's not a funny joke," Scott says. "This thing meant a lot to me." He's really getting good at delivering his lines with just the right amount of faux indignation. Plus 17.
Kris gives Kourtney advice! And it's not terrible! Plus 12.
Scott and Kourtney decide to do a photoshoot, with Kim acting as their photographer. Guaranteed most boring, expressionless pictures ever. Minus 20.
EPISODE TOTAL: -401. SEASON TOTAL: -4,255.