After Rachel won Head of Household and secured her spot in the final four on Big Brother, the question became which peasants would advance with the dictator.
At the end of last night, it was Adam, the standard-bearer for Big Brother uselessness, who not only survived, but ended up in the driver’s seat. Say what?!
We kid not. If last night’s episode was the only one you watched all summer, you would be forgiven for thinking Adam was a force. That’s how crazy it was.
THG recaps Wednesday’s Big Brother eviction episode below …
Otev is back! Once singing Broadway clam harassing Enzo, he’s now a shark with a sweet tooth. Watching the jaws move made us laugh every time, so Plus 3.
Ironically, or perhaps fittingly, Porsche had the veto battle won before she realized Shelly was actually a bigger loser than Adam … who won the thing. Plus 4.
Kalia absolutely MELTS DOWN and talks to herself with her shirt over her head after losing. Girl, pull it together and at go cry in a plant like Rachel! Minus 6.
She then tries to PUMP HERSELF UP: “I am a really smart, intelligent person! I know people! I have the gift of fricking gab.” Wow. Just wow. And Minus 5.
Kalia tries one tack to win over Adam: “We said ‘Newbies, no matter what, to the end.'” Weak. Minus 2. But her next effort was better: “You know fans. They love big moves. It’s your turn.” If anything would sway him … Plus 6.
“The mind,” Adam said. “Is not 100 percent made up.” Please. Minus 4.
“I gotta pick a side: the Newbies or the Vets,” he says, before pocketing the veto. Only Adam would be picking sides a week before the finale. Minus 8.
Pouring margaritas, watching TV, laughing … the jury house looks fun! Plus 5.
Everything Shelly was telling Jeff made total sense. The Final Four Jeff wanted – himself, Jordan, Shelly & Adam – would have obviously left Shelly and Adam on the outs. Jeff’s allowed to be bitter, sure, but she’s right. Deal. Plus 6.
Even Rachel complimented Shelly’s game. THAT says something. Plus 10.
Resigned to her fate, Kalia puts up the best farewell speech zinger since Dominic: “Start playing like an all-star. Stop playing like a fan.” BAM. Plus 7.
Why did Jordan vote to evict Porsche?? Seriously, we’re asking. Minus 4.
Rachel is really pulling it together, paying Kalia a compliment on her way out the door. Plus 5 for showing actual restraint and game strategy lately.
The fortune teller in the lounge, former taunter of Shelly, came to life late in the evening, reading very specific comical fortunes in a fun montage. Plus 4.
The fortune teller and Zingbot should really start dating. Freaks. Plus 3.
The HoH challenge hinged on recalling that nonsense. Pitted against Jordan and Porsche, Adam took it home. Easy competition, but still, Plus 6.
Will Adam realize Jordan (and probably Rachel) will roll over him in the jury vote and that his only shot at the $500,000 is to go up against Porsche? Can he do what he needs to enact that scenario? Doubtful. Minus 15.
EPISODE TOTAL: +10. SEASON TOTAL: +81.
Who’s going to win Big Brother 13?