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Charlie Sheen kicked off his tour in Detroit tonight, and, the actor got violently torpedoed with boos from a crowd that left before the deranged act was finished.

The show started approximately 20 minutes late, as a random comedian came out and told jokes that made Two and a Half Men seem funny. A sample: “Shouldn’t they call the defibrillator a difibra-now?”

Movie clips then played around 9 p.m., two goddesses made out on stage and Sheen finally appeared. He stood behind a podium and said to the crowd: “I am finally here to identify and train the Vatican assassin locked inside each and every one of you.”

Charlie Sheen Monologue

That was pretty much the highlight of the evening.

Witnesses at the event said Sheen rambled on incoherently, at one point saying: “They took my awesome children… They took my sometimes bitchin job… And when they thought there was nothing left, they tried to take my titanium heart and brain and spine. But they could not.”

The audience grew restless, boos began to reign down and that’s when the actor took to mocking those in attendance.

 
“I figured Detroit was a good place to tell some crack stories,” he said. “I don’t do crack anymore, but this is a good f-cking night to do some crack.”

Many more boos ensued. Reports confirm people began to walk out around this time, to which Sheen taunted: “You paid your hard-earned money without knowing what this show was about.”

Around 10:20, the track Sheen recorded with Snoop Dogg was played. But Sheen had already left the stage and the rapper was nowhere in sight. Said one fan to Entertainment Weekly, after traveling from Toronto for the show:

“He’s making a fool of himself. Is there a bigger loser in the world? He’ll be [begging] Chuck Lorre for his job back by the end of the week.”