The Real Housewives of Miami Recap: Stick a Fork in Lea Black!

by at . Comments

After each episode ends on Tuesday nights, we vow never to watch these Miami broads again. And yet, here we are.

It's as if we're saying to Andy Cohen, "Show us how much worse it can get. We sit here week after week waiting for this show to measure up to the other franchises, and each time we're disappointed."

I believe this series isn't working because Miami does not appeal to the masses.

The Real Housewives formula is almost flawless. Almost. The production company must be careful to select a city based on what they believe their readers will enjoy.

Beverly Hills was an obvious choice (albeit a little late).

Naturally we adore (and most of the time loathe) our Orange County bimbos and we find the tri-state dopes challenging.

Atlanta and D.C. we could take or leave, but they're stronger than Miami. Bravo has tried to entice us before with shows like Miami Social and we were just bored.

Second time around ain't much better; the women are either vapid and childish, or obnoxiously self-righteous. The strange part is that most of the Housewives are like this, but we just can't seem to get along with the Miami chicks.

Is it because we can't relate? Or is it because they just bug us so much more than the other women? I still haven't found the answer, but I spend each Tuesday wondering why I don't jive with the cast of The Real Housewives Of Miami.

Larsa is becoming more and more unlikable. She tricked us into thinking she was down-to-earth in the premiere, but we quickly caught on after a few episodes.

Larsa is eternally 16 and acts like that awful "popular" girl from high school.

She's catty, vapid and insecure, and seeks out people with similar characteristics. Hence, her friendship with Cristy. Both are examples of women most of us avoid like the plague. Larsa spent a few minutes on camera last night bitching about nannies.

Her conversation was not only insulting, but it bordered on offensive at times. Here's a novel idea: raise your own kids. 

Lea Black Photo

Lea Black belongs in Palm Beach. Miami is too young for her and that cleavage.

She's loud-mouthed and a bit of a know-it-all, which makes her a perfect fit for the social set two hours north. Between the peanut gallery comments at Alexia's pig roast and the green card quips at dinner when Marysol announced her engagement to Phillipe, I knew it was time for the driver to swing round.

Stick a fork in Mrs. Black, 'cause she is done.

Marysol is growing on me. My television co-watcher commented that she's a bit like Adrienne Maloof in the sense that she is reserved and not nearly as ostentatious in personality as her cast mates. While her mother still frightens the daylights out of me, Elsa Patton has become a rather likable character.

I'm still on the fence about the ring.

Cristy received and paid the invoice Lea sent her for freeloading at the charity event, but not before telling her friend how rude it was.

Rude? What's rude is showing up at a charity that requires a donation, then telling the cameras that you did Lea a favor just by showing up.

You're not famous and you have no redeeming qualities of note. You might be a big shot in the Miami social circuit, but to the rest of us, you're just a stuck-up townie with an attitude problem. It's charity. Buy a ticket.