The Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: A Spa Showdown!

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You won't believe this, but there was a lot of drama and fighting this week on The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Our intern has it all covered in her weekly review...

There was no love lost this week in Atlanta.

Kandi rehearsed with her backup singers for her upcoming tour when Kim stopped by.  Wanting to see Kim's progress from her countless rehearsals with Mitchell, the choreographer, she asked Kim to show her what she's learned.

Once again - ADD-stricken and about as coordinated as a one-legged grasshopper - Kim mimes some dance moves.  Kandi gets increasingly annoyed at Kim since she's more concerned with getting a bedazzled microphone instead of focusing on the music.  Kim thinks Kandi's too critical. 

With good reason, this is Kandi's tour after all.  The record label is expecting major results for spending major money.  Kim better get to steppin.

Sheree went furniture shopping with her daughter, Tierra.  Hoping to surprise Tierra, she splurges on not only a luxurious couch but on a dining set, throw pillows, artwork and a few other miscellaneous doodads.  All for the low price of $7,400.  Sheree likes to spoil Tierra.  Spoil me, mama!

Cynthia continues to plan her upcoming wedding, which is four weeks away.  Wanting a non-traditional venue, she's joined by Nene at the local natural history museum.  Apparently "non-traditional" means a wedding catered by ginormous, looming dinosaurs and a prehistoric habitat. 

Nene brings up the "friend contract" Cynthia had her sign recently and wonders about Cynthia's sanity. Between the rickety dinosaurs and the stalker contract, Nene ponders what we've all been thinking: "Is there something wrong with Cynthia?"

Pissed off that Nene told Kim about the contract, she assures Nene that she's quite sane.  Cynthia's feelings are hurt because she was coming from a good place when she drafted that contract and reassures Nene that she wants to marry 50-year-old Peter and not her.  Mmm-hmm.

Prepping in the recording studio to rehearse her new song "Haven't Loved Right." Kandi receives a call from stressed-out mom/lawyer/businesswoman/goddess Phaedra and they plan for a spa day. Kandi chats with her producer about her love life being in neutral and struggles to get through the song. 

Breaking down because the song reminds her of AJ too much, she realizes that her love life is just not coming together.  Kandi, cut yourself some slack.  We've all been there.

Nene is now a working mom and, as such, sets her sights on booking a celebrity for her 11 Alive segment.  Responsible for booking her own talent, she reaches out to her numerous contacts.  Jay-Z's in Europe; Toni Braxton's traveling; Bow-Wow's playing basketball (not really) and Serena Williams' assistant blows her off.

Nene's not too happy.  Asking is too much like begging.  Desperate, she turns to Brent and his 11-year-old buddy for advice.  Nene finally catches a break when she reaches out to Jermaine Dupri's people and manages to get a "maybe."

Kandi drops by Phaedra's place to visit baby Aydan.  Popping out her boob any time and any place to feed the baby, Kandi's happy to see Phaedra embracing her maternal side.  Talk about the baby's due date and Cynthia's "alien" remark is brought up yet again.  Kandi tries to set the record straight by saying it was Kim who actually made the extraterrestrial comment. 

Phaedra thinks Kim should mind her own business and be more concerned with being on her way to Hell for dating a married man. At least Aydan has a full head of hair and doesn't need to wear a wig.

Kim preps for the tour and invites her stylist, Dean, over to the house to choose outfits.  Her bedroom resembles a clearance sale at Frederick's of Hollywood. Kim tries on a variety of costumes that would make a Sunset Strip hooker blush.  Who knew side-boob spillage and ragamuffin chic was the "in" look?

Sheree stops by Tierra's place to surprise her with a fully-decorated apartment and a housewarming party.  Tierra and Damon, her boyfriend, are floored.  Sheree's a good mama!

Cynthia's flipping out about her wedding RSVPs when she gets a call that she's been booked for Miami Swim Week.   Thrilled at the chance to rake in some more cash to pay for the wedding, she accepts the job and promises the designer she'll be in tip-top shape for the runway. Time to throw up lunch.

Nene gets a call from Saptosa, Jermaine Dupri's assistant, confirming her request for an interview.  Jackpot!

The ladies all gather at Arista, a medical spa, for a day of relaxation and ripping each other to shreds.  A trip to Miami to celebrate Cynthia's bachelorette party is planned and Phaedra promises to bring along a male stripper who can give himself head.  Isn't that what a proper Southern belle always brings to a party? 

Cynthia's friend contract is brought up by Kim.  Cynthia's livid.  Weirded out by Kim being weirded out, Cynthia's defends herself and puts Kim in her place.  Nene is proud that Cynthia can go toe-to-toe with Kim.  Phaedra confronts Kim about her due date/alien comments and Kim attacks right back. 

Phaedra doesn't go around talking about Big Poppa's foreclosure and Kim doesn't go around talking about Apollo being an ex-con. Once again, Kim is put in her place. Phaedra believes Kim got scared and backed off because she can't handle the "crazy black woman" Phaedra has become.

Oh well, you know what they say: all's fair in love and war.


The Real Housewives of Atlanta Quotes

[to Kenya Moore] You best hope nothing happens to me, because you might not have a job. I'm your storyline. I sustain your career . . . I built you, so stop playing games.

Apollo Nida

[to Kenya Moore] "You a sneaky, trifling slut."

Phaedra Parks