Welcoming a baby into the world is always a blessed event, even when the baby is referred to as a "load" that one drops.
With that, we welcome readers to our intern's latest review of The Real Housewives of Atlanta and hope you're prepared for another adventure into the world of Phaedra, Kandi and company...
I knew this week's episode would be a doozy when it started out with Apollo asking Phaedra if she's "ready to drop the load" in reference to her giving birth. Up that classy quotient! Phaedra and Apollo arrive in Augusta at some sort of B&B "plantation" where they're prepping for the arrival of the child.
Phaedra's concerned about "maternal death." Dr. Lue, her OB/GYN, and the only man Pahedra will let near her vagina, meets with Phaedra and Apollo. Sticking to her story till the death, Phaedra tells her own doctor that she has no clue how far along she is and that he'll be inducing the baby. Dr. Lue also gets fed the line that Apollo was also an early baby, arriving three months premature at eight pounds. Uh-huh.
Apparently Apollo's also been coached on Phaedra's mathematical skills. Dr. Lue and his wife warn Phaedra and Apollo how much their lives are about to change. No time for pedis? Facials? Massages? This kid's already cramping Phaedra's style.Kandi celebrates her 34th birthday at a party at TAGS, her recession-proof boutique. Lisa Wu-Hartwell shows up, as does Sheree, Kim and Cynthia. Kim's gift to Kandi is one of her custom wigs. Or rather what Kandi refers to as a red helmet, which looks really "hooker-ish." Now there's a selling point!
Kandi would much rather have preferred royalties from "Tardy for the Party," but this scraggly-assed red mop will have to do. Kim and Cynthia give Dwight the third degree on how far along Phaedra really is and wonder why Dwight's covering up for Phaedra.
Dwight defends Phaedra's story even though Kim pulls out her nurse knowledge and shocks Cynthia with it. Who knew?!? Kim thinks Dwight's a shady MF and he must be the dad. No...not in this lifetime, Kim. Kandi wonders why the girls are so obsessed with Phaedra's pregnancy timeline. She does the math, though, and finally sees something's way off.
Nene decides she wants to be a celebrity entertainment reporter, so she meets with her local news anchor friend, Karyn Green, and wows the suits. Starstruck by Nene's "fame" and celebrity connections, the suits agree to give her a shot. Apparently, all it takes in show business is who you know and not what you know and Nene knows Tyler Perry, Monique and Jermaine Dupri, among others. The suits love the fact that she insulted Michael Lohan. Nene gets the job. And a cubicle!
Phaedra checks out of the B&B plantation and into the hospital to drop her load. The nurse checking her in asks how many weeks along she is and once again Phaedra claims ignorance. She thinks her room has a view of the projects and germs. Oh Phaedra, you're a freak. Pastor Regina Bell, Phaedra's mom, shows up to visit her daughter and Dr. Lue shows up to hit Phaedra up with Cervidil which will loosen her cervix. TMI at this point, people.
Nene goes to her first work meeting ever at 11 Alive, the local NBC affiliate. She has a brainstorming meeting with the morning crew and realizes she better come up with a huge celebrity to interview in the next two weeks.
Kandi visits Phaedra at the hospital and meets Phaedra's mom. Phaedra tells Kandi they've just broken her water and that she's only dilated at six cm. Phaedra's shocked to learn that she'll be giving birth in this very normal room. Not in some operating room with lights like on TV. Pastor Bell is excited because this is her first grandchild.
Kandi wonders why and Phaedra tells her it's becase she's the only married one in the family. Kandi informs Phaedra that these days you don't have to be married to have a baby. You do in this family, Kandi, especially when your mom's a pastor and she's staring you down at this very moment. Dr. Lue comes in and confirms that Phaedra is 40 WEEKS along. Which makes her 10 MONTHS PREGNANT! Aha, mystery solved! Phaedra's been lying all along to protect Mama. Mama takes the news in stride. Whatevs.
Sheree celebrates Kaleigh and Kairo's graduations at the local race car play place. Bob Whitfield, her ex-husband, shows up late but, hey, at least he showed up. Sheree tells Nene that she's having a Spades party and she's invited The Love Doctor, Ty-E Mohammed. Nene grills her on the dude, but it's nothing compared to the grilling he's about to get at the actual card game. Nene screams throughout her car race and quits early. Nene definitely does not feel the need for speed.
The Love Doctor shows up early at Sheree's for the card game. Sheree greets him at the door in rollers and a robe and puts him to work setting up the tables. Inviting a man to her house so early in the relationship is a huge deal for Sheree. Sheree fills the Love Doctor in on her friends.
Ladyboy Lawrence if the first to show up and The Love Doctor giggles throughout their encounter. Weirdo. The gang arrives one by one. Kandi and Kandi's mama; Cynthia and 50-year-old Peter; Lisa and Ed; Tierra and Damon. And Nene (and barely there) Gregg. The poop hits the fan when Nene recognizes the Love Doctor as some shady dude who wore dreads back in the day and was involved in a huge scandal a few years back where he was exposed as a fake doctor.
Kandi tells the girls about overcooked Phaedra and the religious reasons she had for lying. The grilling of the good doctor continues throughout the night and he finally admits that he got his PhD online. What?!? Sheree is shocked and about to blow a gasket. The Love Doctor starts sweating and blames it on the spicy food. Sheree feels violated.
Phaedra needs to have a C-section since that baby isn't budging. And with good reason. Mama equates childbirth with death and describes him as gross and Chinese-looking when introduced to her bundle of joy. But Phaedra's a renaissance woman. She'll get over it. Lights, camera, action!