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Lies. Ambien. Text message impersonation. Golf club-wielding insanity.

The Daily Beast cites close Elin Woods sources in piecing together the clearest picture yet of the Tiger Woods scandal, a.k.a. the most expensive car crash in history.

These sources’ details mesh with the more credible accounts of the post-Thanksgiving altercation to date, and we’ve excerpted some scandalous details here:

During the run-up to Thanksgiving, Tiger gave Elin advance warning that the National Enquirer was about to run a story claiming he had an affair with Rachel Uchitel.

Woods swore the story was false and that he had only met Uchitel 1-2 times at social outings. The day before Thanksgiving, Tiger convinced Uchitel to talk to Elin.

Rachel Uchitel spoke to her for half an hour, and Elin believed that the relationship was platonic – until she read the Enquirer‘s specifics of the purported affair.

Sources say Elin Woods busted Rachel Uchitel via text message.

That evening, the two argued. Tiger decided to end the bickeringby taking Ambien and going to sleep (he often took Ambien to help him sleep – and bang Uchitel).

After Woods fell asleep, Elin looked through his phone, found texts to Uchitel (under her real name) and discovered one saying “You are the only one I’ve loved.”

Shortly after 1 a.m. in Florida, Elin began texting Rachel Uchitel, pretending to be Tiger, writing “I miss you,” and asking, “When are we seeing each other again?”

Uchitel texted back, surprised that Woods was awake. Elin felt this response indicated that the two of them spoke earlier that night, before Tiger took his Ambien.

At that point, Elin Woods called Uchitel, who answered thinking it was Tiger. Elin said something approximating, “I knew it was you.” Uchitel’s shocked reply: “Oh f–k.”

She immediately hung up.

Normally quiet and controlled, Elin became enraged and woke Tiger by screaming at him. He seemed disoriented from the Ambien. The fight ratcheted up quickly.

Shortly after waking up, Tiger sent another text to Uchitel warning that Elin uncovered the affair, that he was about to pack, and their divorce might be imminent.

Elin found this text too, though, after he locked himself in the bathroom for several minutes without his phone. Elin didn’t tell Woods what she’d seen, however.

After he came out, she exploded, trying to hit him on the chest and arms with her fists, and then finally chasing him from the house while she wielded a golf club.

An expression we imagine Tiger Woods has worn a lot lately.

Shoeless, he ran into the car and peeled out of the driveway before crashing into a fire hydrant and then smashing into a tree, resulting in the police being called.

Woods went to the hospital and when he was released, Tiger was whisked off to an undisclosed location, as Elin was too furious to allow him back that afternoon.

This likely explains why Elin told police who arrived at their mansion outside Orlando that Woods was not able to speak with them then, saying he was asleep.

Representatives for Tiger and Elin have not commented on this. Gloria Allred, attorney for Rachel Uchitel, commented only to say “We have no comment on this.”

According to a friend, Elin remains furious, but their marriage is not over yet. She will wait for the golfer to finish sex addiction rehab before making a decision.

She was with him in rehab this weekend, according to reports, adding credence to reports that she may still take him back. But all bets certainly remain off.

Elin Woods should