The Hollywood Gossip staff is proud to bring you Tale of the Tape, in which we break down prospective matchups within the celebrity gossip world.
The following battle is one involving two notorious celebrity moms we are really sick of, yet can't get enough of. We know. It's a strange relationship.
With twenty-two kids between them and many more celebrity news headlines than that, Nadya Suleman and Kate Gosselin have become tabloid staples renowned for both their scandalous personal lives and remarkably prolific vaginas.
THG NOTE: Kate's private area has pumped out many children, as well! THG NOTE: That was a "Jon Gosselin is a vagina" joke. Is this thing on? Oh forget it.
Anyway, pitted against each other, which of these celebrity moms will emerge victorious in a grueling, 10-round battle? Let's find out. Ding, ding!
Which ever-present celebrity mom will reign supreme?
1. NUMBER OF OFFSPRING ...
Kate Gosselin: 8
Nadya Suleman: 14
2. REALITY TV STATUS
Kate Gosselin: Jon and Kate Plus 8 entering fifth season
Nadya Suleman: Coming soon!
3. BEST NICKNAME
Kate Gosselin: Grating, raging b!tch
Nadya Suleman: Octomom
4. FATHER OF HER KIDS IS ...
Kate Gosselin: A d-bag
Nadya Suleman: Unknown
5. CHEATED ...
Kate Gosselin: With Steve Neild
Nadya Suleman: California taxpayers
Kate Gosselin: Loveseat, alongside annoyed husband
Nadya Suleman: Cover of every newsstand tabloid
7. WE WOULD NAME THEIR SHOW ...
Kate Gosselin: Jon and Kate Plus a Fake Marriage Contract
Nadya Suleman: Adventures of the Human Clown Car
8. BEST FEATURE
Kate Gosselin: N/A
Nadya Suleman: Could promptly regenerate human race in event of nuclear disaster
9. WORST FEATURE
Kate Gosselin: Hair
Nadya Suleman: Vadge
10. WORST NIGHTMARE
Kate Gosselin: Watching Deanna Hummel sex tape
Nadya Suleman: Welfare being abolished
THE VERDICT: It was a battle 'til the bitter end, but the woman who carried 14 artificially inseminated embryos until birth takes it, 5.5-4.5. The verdict is final, Kate, so please don't whine and complain ... for once in your effing life.