Last week's LeAnn & Eddie premiere signaled a new low for reality TV, as the Z-list couple giggled their way through 22 minutes of scripted nonsense with all the believability of a 4th grade production of Hamlet.
One week ago, we never would've thought it possible, but episode two actually might be worse.
Things start off innocently enough with Cibrian and Rimes enjoying a catered dinner at home so that they can avoid the paparazzi. No really, Eddie said that.
Fortunately, Cibrian doesn't joke about LeAnn's eating disorder during the meal, but his other attempts at being funny include a toast to getting laid and jokes about his love of prostitutes. What a guy!
Eddie's well-rehearsed schtick falls flat, of course, but there are plenty of unintentionally hilarious moments in the episode, such as when Eddie reveals that he didn't know the TV show Dallas was filmed in Dallas. Seriously.
That brings us to the main storyline of tonight's episode, as Eddie agonizes over the decision of whether he should spend seven months in Dallas shooting a recurring role on the series or stay home with LeAnn. When you look up "no brainer" on Wikipedia, it's just a YouTube clip from this episode.
But before that dramatic tension can be resolved, we have to suffer through an inane, sitcommy B-plot in which LeAnn's "friends" encourage her to get back to her "southern roots."
LeAnn spends some time sitting around with the actors being paid to pretend they like her, and talks about how badly Brandi Glanville needs to go to rehab, all while getting midday sloshed at brunch.
Next, LeAnn lies to her friends about being able to ride an ATV, and proceeds to look even more awkward and out of place as usual as they all go four-wheeling for some reason.
Then, because it's in his contract that he be depicted doing something manly in every scene, Eddie is tuning up his car when his agent calls to basically tell him he'd be an idiot to pass up the Dallas gig.
Meanwhile, LeAnn takes her girlfriends to a gay country bar where she proves that dancing is yet another thing that she sucks at. She then gets drunk enough to actually sing a song on stage. (Didn't she used to do that professionally?)
But as foolish as LeAnn looks, Eddie proves he's the real dumbass in the relationship when he passes up his first real acting gig in forever in order to stay with LeAnn.
The job probably would've paid pretty well, so it's a good thing she was hammered when he broke the news.